The Pentagon – (SatireWorld.com) History was made today when Cmdr. David Montgomery’s tell all book concerning the successful Navy SEAL Team 6 raid on the Osama Bin Laden compound last year made the NY Times best seller list. According to the book, which fully illustrates the behind the scenes activity hours before the raid, it seems it was lead by a former US President and he’s the one that actually killed Bin Laden with a carefully aimed head shot.
According to chapter four, the raid was to be originally lead by Barack Obama, and was part of a larger plan to help revive his presidency and faltering poll numbers. Obama’s advisors hoped that his getting out and doing some ‘wet work’ might help curtail his ultra-liberal image among a growing number of independent voters.
Pentagon officials allowed photograsphs of the 1,000 lb fully armored ‘war suit’ especially designed for Obama. He was to wear while terrorist hunting with the US Navy SEALS. According to General Alfred Motors, the $3 million dollar suit was still in it’s factory wrappings since the Commander-in-Chief complained of loose bowels on the night of the raid and decided to stay home near a comfortable restroom.
In lieu of Obama’s sudden ailment, Pentagon war planners were quick to realize the short window of opportunity in raiding Bin Laden’s compound was shrinking fast, but a quick phone call to the Crawford Ranch in Texas saved the raid when ex-president George W. Bush volunteered to land with the raiding party. The only condition for Bush was he had the ‘first shot’ at the terror leader.
“He was cool and composed and really let him have it, ” says Mike D. a senior SEAL team member who helped drag the dead terror leader’s body to the helicopter. “We were a little confused after Bush kept referring to the stiffening body as ‘Saddam,’ but we figured one dead asshole is like another dead asshole, so we said nothing.”
Pentagon staffers say the ‘war suit’ will be used later this year when Obama plans to visit various Occupy Wall Street protests. The manufacturer has promised to install a highly absorbent diaper device inside just in case the Leader of the Free World has another episode of loose runs caused by yellow belly.
Bush had only one comment when asked how he worked through all the excitement during the raid….”IWell, i was alot like going bird hunting with Dick Cheney,” he said.
Note: Photo courtesy of Pentagon Department Public Affairs