Cheney Comes Out in Support of Mubarak

An American dictator comes out in support of a buddy dictator which is an indication that there must be a strong social network of dictators that many don’t know about. Just like Hitler being bosom buddies with Mussolini, Franco and Stalin, this is proof that birds of a feather flock together.

Cheney praised his Egyptian political pal- “Now there’s a man who knows how to run a country! He put those journalists down and made it look like he was doing them a favor. He sent in plainclothesmen to slap them around a bit, handcuff and blindfold them, took them to an undisclosed holding tank and threw them in. Didn’t tell them who they were, kept them in suspense and told them that they were doing it to protect them. Smooth operator!”

“The snipers on the bridge was a classic move. He put them in a position where no one could see who they were, again making them plainclothesmen, then had them occasionally pick off someone in the crowd and made it look like they were loose cannons. Capital job! I wish we could get away with that in this country. Bush and I would have gotten twice as much done without the pinkos bitching about every little infringement.”

Cheney continued, “Mubarak is also a damned good businessman. They estimate he’s managed to stow away 40 to 70 billion dollars for himself in the 30 years he’s been king….er, I mean President. Image how much booty I’d have put away if I’d been Emperor….er, Vice President for that long!”

It was then that Cheney made his classic statement that will in history as his legacy. “There is a reason why much of diplomacy is conducted in secret.” That statement alone should be etched in stone. Coming from Mr. ‘Undisclosed Location’ himself, it packs a lot of punch. Why let the people of a democratic country that you lead know about the choices you are making that affect them? Why, that’s for sissies.

Mr. Cheney then summed up his feelings. “We don’t have many Middle Eastern dictators on our side unfortunately. We could sure use more of them. Of course, we hung the last Arab buddy of ours, someone by the name of Saddam something or other.” Mr. Cheney has overlooked the fact that the Egyptian uprising is much like our American Revolution against the British for our freedom, but then that is an aspect of history that Mr. Cheney was never all that keen on.

Now that Mubarak is gone, Cheney was going to send him his condolences, but decided not to because he doesn’t like to affiliate himself with losers.

Writers note- To be fair to Cheney, he did also say that there is a time for a leader to move on and that the ultimate decision lies with the Egyptian people. He did however mention that he is glad Guantanamo is still open, which robs of him of any Brownie points he might have accumulated.

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at