Rumsfeld Book Tour: Rocky Start

Former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was often the center of controversy during decades of public service. It appears that tradition will continue in his new career as author. Rumsfeld’s recently released 800 page memoir “Known and Unknown” has set the publishing world afire, according to industry insiders.

In his exhaustively footnoted tome, Mr. Rumsfeld eschews the formulaic precedent set by many retired politicians. While it’s common for those removed from the limelight to add ‘humanizing’ touches to soften and in some cases rehabilitate reputations, Mr. Rumsfeld takes an entirely refreshing approach. The book avoids any trite ‘humanizing’ anecdotes. It simply explains on every single page, he was always unfailingly correct in every single decision.

Some literary critics have written that ‘Rummy’ appears to be the only person in America who wants to be rehabilitated less than Charlie Sheen does. Although the former Defense Secretary has never engendered ambivalence, it’s not the book, but the promotional tour that is currently raising eyebrows.

It began with a book tour stop at the Lansing, MI Metro-Mart convenience store. Owner Youseff Abdullah insisted he hadn’t asked for a book signing, didn’t want one, and wouldn’t know what to do with it if he had one. Rumsfeld explained to Mr. Abdullah that he really wanted a book signing, but didn’t know it yet, and it would be great.

Due to space constraints, members of the Rumsfeld entourage were forced to destroy several cigarette displays, along with a rack containing potato chips and Slim Jims. Additionally, access to the beer coolers was termed ‘problematic.’ But the event went well, according to everybody except Mr. Abdullah.

Next the book tour moved on to ultra-conservative Bob Smith University, where “Known and Unknown” has been the campus buzz for months in advance of publication. Mr. Rumsfeld read excerpts to an enthusiastic audience exceeding three thousand, but unfortunately only brought a few dozen books.

Reached for comment later, the never apologetic former Defense Secretary tweeted this reporter, “Hey U go 2 book tour with the books U has.”

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

9 thoughts on “Rumsfeld Book Tour: Rocky Start

  1. Rfreed;

    I’ll be there. I’d bring a couple of Charlie Sheen’s girls, but he’d probably get mad. But we can play pin-the-tail-on-Ann Coulter. Her skinny butt will make that a real challenge. Then we can drunk-dial your governor. Fun for all!

  2. Kilroy,
    There’s going to be another Godless America hating Liberal party at my place on Tuesday. Its your turn to bring the booze and the blonds.

  3. Well Kilroy old friend? I certainly think Rummy was totally wrong in many decisions as a Secretary of Defense. Yet on a personal level I think there’s something endearing about anybody unable to admit/realize he’s ever been wrong.

    Ask me about mistakes I’ve made, that’s gonna be a LOOOOOONG conversation!

  4. The Mini-Mart Book Signing Tour. I love it. You’ll find Rummy’s book right next to the ‘Free’ Real Estate Guide. Just remember. When you drop your 50 cents into the slot and open the door, only take one. Leave some for the rest of us.

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