ABC News – Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward reported today that President Obama may replace Vice President Joe Biden and CIA Director Leon Panetta before the end of his first term.
“My highly placed source tells me that the President has assigned his own code names to the pair: Doofus 1 and Doofus 2,” Woodward said. “He’s embarrassed by both of them.”
Woodward released a partial transcript of a recent White House strategy session provided by his source on condition that only last names be used to identify speakers. The excerpt begins when Biden arrives at the meeting:
OBAMA: Joe, what’s with the mask and gloves? You look like you’re doing an autopsy.
BIDEN: Rahm sneezed when I arrived, Boss. Swine Flu’s here. Let’s quarantine Washington like FDR did in 1953.
OBAMA: Um, overreaction. Tell you what, though. Cancel your engagements, lock yourself in your office, and for god’s sake, get those TARP funds spent. You’re a good Democrat, Joe, and it’s not your money. What’s the holdup?
BIDEN: Everybody who’s wanted money has gotten it, O, and there’s still plenty left. How ’bout we go transnational and bail out Africa—-the “Troubled Africa Relief Program.” Make you more popular there than Bush.
OBAMA: True… but the timing isn’t good. Maybe next year. Uh, Leon, you don’t have to raise your hand to say something.
PANETTA: Permission to use the bathroom, sir?
OBAMA: Just hold it for ten minutes… I don’t mean that literally, Leon. Hey, morale’s OK at the Agency?
PANETTA: Not really, sir. Morales was posted to Mexico last week, and his co-workers weren’t happy about it.
OBAMA: No, not “Morales.” Morale. How’s morale?
PANETTA: Oh, well, I’ve spread the word, sir, the word being, ”Check with the lawyers first or your ass might be toast.” My people really appreciate the clear guidelines they’ve gotten from Congress and AG Holder—you know, treat man-made disaster suspects the way you’d want your grandmother treated.
BIDEN: Mr. President, you’re shaking your head and weeping. Are you ill, sir? I have an extra mask.
Woodward said that shortly after this meeting, the White House ordered Director Panetta to switch his office from CIA Headquarters to a corner in Rahm Emanuel’s West Wing suite.