First Lady Threatens Legal Action on Sotomayor Nomination

Washington – In an interview with Katie Couric this morning, Michelle Obama revealed that she is suing the President for breach of contract over the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court.

“Over a hamburger on our first date in 1990, Barack and I pledged that whoever became President first would nominate the other to the Supreme Court. Even then, I knew every promise he made came with an expiration date [ht: NRO Corner], so I preserved a recording of the conversation, just in case.

“I’m sure we’ll settle this quickly and amicably,” said Mrs. Obama. “After Barack pulls Sotomayor and nominates me, I expect Jewish and Latino community support, as my first cousin’s father-in-law was a rabbi who operated a bodega in Spanish Harlem.”

Mrs. Obama expressed confidence that her confirmation would go smoothly. “I’ll designate July 27th as ‘Meet the Nominee Day’ at the White House: Judiciary Committee Senators may call my office to book short interviews. I’ll make time on the morning of the 30th for the hearings.”

Asked about her thoughts on joining the Court, the First Lady issued a warning: “Damn tradition! When I’m seated, Alito had better continue to answer the door during conferences and get coffee. No way I’m waiting on Thomas and Scalia. They fuss, I’ll sue their butts for gender discrimination, take it to The Hague if I have to.”

Mrs. Obama continued, “To show Barack there are no hard feelings, my primary goal on the Court will be to repeal the 22nd amendment, which limits a President to two terms. That is an anachronism unworthy of a living Constitution.”

Author: Sagman44

Sagman44 was born in Brooklyn and taught language skills in a New York City alternative school for troubled Utes. When the federal government defunded the program in 1994, the Utes returned to their ancestral homeland outside Salt Lake City, and Sagman44 began a career as a leg shark and loan-breaker for dyslexic mobsters. One legacy of Sagman44’s time in education: his distaste for arrogant teens and the expression, “F--- you.” He spends his spare time roaming the city with a can of spray paint, examining subway walls and tenement halls, adding “th” to the curse wherever he finds it.