Tag Archive | "NATO"

White House Claims WMDs Found In Crimea


In a stunning announcement at Wednesday mornings press briefing, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced WMDs have been discovered in the Crimean peninsula.

“The CIA has determined and it has been confirmed through British Intelligence that convoys of Russian trucks are moving into Crimea.

CIA human assets on the ground have since discovered they are filled with weapons of mass destruction.” said Carney.

“President Obama has called for an emergency session of the UN Security Council and is presently conferring with NATO and G7 partners on how to respond to the situation.”

This morning dozens of US and British warships, including one French support vessel, were seen moving into the Black Sea and taking up positions off the coast of Crimea.

Carney continued “The Russians used banned weapons in WWII against the Nazis and if they used them once they may use them again.  President Obama and the American people are resolved that the illegal invasion of a sovereign nation will not go unpunished.  The United States will use any means at our disposal, including the invasion of a sovereign nation,  to insure WMDs are neutralized, international laws upheld and aggressors brought to justice.”

When asked whether the WMDs were chemical or biological  Carney responded “The situation is fluid but at the present time we believe it to be borscht”.

photo credit: U.S. Coast Guard via Photopin, CC

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Interview with Israeli Foreign Minister John Kerry


My request to interview the Israeli Foreign Minister about Syria was granted, but I was surprised to find John Kerry at the appointment. “Israel and the U.S. have such a close relationship,” he explained, “that each can speak for the other. I rarely have to ask for guidance, so you will get the same answers from either of us, and the same honesty, too.”

RIGHT: John Kerry recites the Pledge of Allegiance. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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French General Threatens China, then Quickly Takes it Back


Paris (GlossyNews) — French official are scrambling this afternoon in an apparent effort to appease their  enraged Chinese counterparts.

The dispute began with reports of an ill-advised boast made by General Pierre Petit on the French Riviera Monday afternoon, where military leaders were meeting to discuss national defense over wine and cheese. General Petit emphatically declared the following: Read the full story

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Disabled Tortoise Saved from Rubbish Tip


A 30-year-old disabled tortoise (ingrown toenails and harelip), unwittingly sent to a landfill site with its owner’s rubbish, has been found alive.

Sheldrake, a greater-crested Galapagos tortoise, owned by Gladys Hawksbill of Scumbridge Gardens in Smegmashire, climbed into a bin bag in search of his favourite slug n lettuce pizza left-overs and was taken to the Smegmadale landfill site by refuse collectors on Monday morning. Read the full story

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