Tag Archive | "McDonalds"

The Delicious Truth About How Chicken Nuggets Are Really Made [Video]

You’ve seen images of pink slime, but you have no idea what really goes on or goes in.

The truth with set you free, specifically free to save money while gobbling down amazing and delicious chicky nuggies. Read on.

More Videos in this Series
How Hot Dogs are REALLY Made (shocking!)
How Twinkies are REALLY Made (you won’t believe it!) Read the full story


Posted in Health, Video NewsComments (0)

Piggy Adam Richman Mocks Critic; Beats Eating Crap Out of Him

Piggy Adam Richman Mocks Critic; Beats Eating the Crap Out of Him (Family-Friendly Censored Version)

Mr. Piggy Adam Richman, a titty overweight eater, who had his very own show on the Travel Channel mocked his “critics” by posting a comment, “Grab a razor blade and draw a bath.”

He later went on to apologize and calm the tits out of everyone before he went to panic mode. The stunt surprised everyone, given the fact that Adam only eats when he’s mad. Putting a comment such as may as well saved his life from another heart attack. Poor fatty. Read the full story


Posted in Health, TelevisionComments (0)

McDonald’s Fry Cook Filibusters Angry Manager to Avoid Getting Fired

PITTSBURGH — Local McDonald’s “Fryolator” Operator Terrance Yerkovski, in an effort to avoid losing his job, has been filibustering his manager for the past 72 straight hours.

The filibuster, in which the 22-year-old Yerkovski is currently barricaded in the employee restroom while reading the entire Allegheny County phone book aloud, cover to cover, has already surpassed the previous filibuster record set by Former U.S. Senator and Segregationalist Strom Thurmond of South Carolina. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (5)

McDonald’s Launches Healthy Go-Eat-Elsewhere Option

Responding to ongoing criticism of its nutritional practices, fast food giant McDonald’s today announced its new healthy go-and-eat-somewhere-else option.

From December 1st, select McDonald’s chains across the country will be offering several all-new disclaimers on its menu, including “you might want to consider Subway” and “fresh market produce is often a better choice.”

“We want to offer our customer’s a wider variety when it comes to what they eat,” said McDonald’s CEO Jim Skinner. “Do you want a regular cheeseburger with large fries and a drink? Or do you want to head six miles down the road to Bigley’s Fresh Mart? Providing healthy options is part of what we do and I think it’s going to be a big success.” Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, HealthComments (1)

Black Rescuer Lucky He Didn’t Get His Ass Thrown In Jail During Rescue

It fortunately went so miraculously well.

A girl held hostage for ten years breaks free of her bonds and manages to get to the door of her captors house.
She yells through the mail slot that she needs help and identifies herself.

A black neighbor hears her cries and helps her break out of the door. With his aid she escapes with her daughter from the house of the man who abused her. She tells him that there are two other women inside also held prisoner. Read the full story


Posted in CrimeComments (1)

Fat People Live Longer, Healthier Lives, According to New Research

It’s finally time to get off the treadmill and stuff down some pork sausage as researchers have determined that people who have at least 30% body fat live longer, healthier lives than their active, slim counterparts.

“Fat people tend to live longer and enjoy life more than thin people”, said Katherine Flegal, epidemiologist with the Center for Disease Control and Prevention as she munched on a bag of M&Ms. “We recommend that people ‘pork up’ to be healthy!”

Previous research suggested that active people with a body mass index (BMI) between 18% and 25% were the healthiest but new research finds a BMI between 25% and 34% to be the healthiest.

McDonald’s Restaurant is taking advantage of the new findings by declaring Big Macs as ‘health food’ and encourages its patrons to drink more sugary soft drinks.

“We want out thinnest patrons to become healthy”, said McDonald’s spokesperson Sheila Gross. “We will be providing more high-calorie, healthy choices such as boneless rib sandwiches to bring people up to a healthy body mass index”.

Researchers say they are uncertain as to why fat people are healthier than thin people but suggest it may be because fat people enjoy life more.

A study of 1,000 centenarians suggests that so-called ‘healthy’ lifestyle choices have nothing to do with longevity and may actually be causing people to die young.

“I’ve been sitting on my ass, smoking cigarettes and eating shit for my whole life and I feel terrific!” said 103 year old Jennifer Petant.


Posted in Health, SocietyComments (4)

Bloomberg and the Gay Vote Sitting in a Tree

New York City Mayor Bloomberg made God-fearing GOP senators quake in their extremely heterosexual boots this week when he came out in favor of gay marriage and said he would do everything he can to support a bill brought before Congress. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Painting of Big Mac Found in Neanderthal Cave

Saint Sozy, France – GlossyNews.com French paleontologists have discovered a Neanderthal cave painting said to represent hands eagerly reaching for a Big Mac, or at least proto-Big Mac, according to the journal, Ancient Discoveries.

According to Jean-Claude Bouisquet, curator of the Museum of French Archeology, the painting was found during excavation of a Neanderthal cave encampment at La Roche-Cotard, and can be reliably dated to 25,000 B.C. Read the full story


Posted in Health, ScienceComments (0)

Recession Success of Walmart, McDonalds Proves God “Kind of a Jerk”

As a sign of His contempt for mankind and its ways, God has played the biggest practical joke of all time by allowing the worst exploiters of the economy and the human work force to be the only ones making a profit in the present recession.

Both Walmart and McDonald’s have had huge profits while the rest of the economy has floundered. The masses of people, fearing layoffs, foreclosures and looming poverty have been flocking to the renowned cheap mass market outlets to save their dwindling cash reserves. Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, ReligionismComments (1)

San Francisco McDonalds Shifts Focus from Food to Toys

SAN FRANCISCO, California (Glossy News) – With the recent call of progressive groups in San Francisco demanding that McDonald’s no longer be allowed to include a toy with every happy meal, the company has shifted focus away from food and has come up with what they believe is a perfect compromise to the situation.

Beginning next week, when families with children drive up to the nearest McDonald’s and order a Happy Meal, they will receive a simple bag with one burger, one small fries and one small drink and be on their way, sans toy. Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, HealthComments (0)

If McDonald’s Gets Gov Health Insurance Exemption, Who’s Next?

Rules are made to be broken and it appears that may be happening in the case of the fast food giant McDonald’s when it comes to complying with the new rules handed down under the Health Care Reform Bill. We knew it would only be a matter of time before large employers claimed their bottom line would be affected if they were to (gasp) be required to provide affordable health care insurance coverage to their employees. Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, HealthComments (0)

Alternative Gifting Ideas for Your Single Dad

Ok, kids, let’s look at the whole gift-giving thing for dad on Father’s Day in a completely different light. Face it, your dad has all the ties he needs, it’s summertime and therefore, too hot for slippers or a robe, and he prefers to pick out his own socks and underwear. So, what would be some practical gifts for the man who is in charge of taking care of you, the other kid in the household? Read the full story


Posted in Kidz ZoneComments (2)

McDonald’s Happy Meal a Day Can Prolong Life of Your Body

Denver, CO – A nutritionist, bent on taking McDonald’s down for its unhealthy practice of dishing up preservative-laden foods to the general public, has now admitted that although there are enough preservatives in a McDonald’s bun alone to allow it to sit on a shelf for a year without decomposing, she also admitted that if a person were to eat a Happy Meal a day, they would effectively be preserving their body from the inside out, thereby alleviating the necessity to having their bodies embalmed upon death.

“You may die at a much earlier age, but your body will essentially never decompose,” she said.


Posted in News In Your BriefsComments (0)

Real Estate Developer Creating Island Paradise from Garbage

PACIFIC OCEAN, 135° to 155°W (GlossyNews) — Entrepreneurs worldwide are being lured by the siren call of opportunity rising from the Pacific. The middle of the Pacific Ocean, that is.

The multinational realty conglomerate, Glutton Realty, has purchased the vortex of marine litter in the central North Pacific Ocean known as the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. The company plans to convert the trash into a new mega-island. With more acreage than the state of Texas at their disposal, speculators anticipate selling these “premium” tropical parcels at astronomical prices. Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, EnvironmentComments (2)

McDonald’s Introduces the McWineCooler

In a bid to remain the #1 burger chain in the world, McDonald’s has announced that it will start selling wine coolers at its South Beach locations in Miami beginning the middle of March, 2010, just in time for spring break. Called McWineCooler Swirls, the alcoholic beverages will be served during McHappy Hour from 4-7 p.m. daily at the McSaloon section of the restaurant. The beverages will not be served in the main family area of the restaurant.

This comes on the heels of news that Burger King is opening a Whopper Bar on South Beach and will be selling beer alongside the standard whopper and fries fare. Said a spokesperson for Burger King, “It’s an idea whose time has come; unfortunately, we can’t sneak anything past those sneaky snakes at McDonald’s.”


Posted in News In Your BriefsComments (0)

McRestaurant McReminds McTourists of McHome

If you’ve ever traveled, whether it was across town or across the world, the one thing you wanted more than unlimited outgoing calls from your room was something familiar that reminded you of home. In my case I could think of nothing better or more familiar than passage of those golden arches through which kids come out happy and cows come out hamburger. Read the full story


Posted in Society, TravelComments (2)

Glossy News Exclusive Exposés

-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --

Glossy News Fake Commercials!

Glossy News Podcast

(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)

More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial