Hope Springs, Maryland (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In a triumphant moment for President Obama, the Labor Department’s newest monthly report showed that despite lingering high unemployment, the President’s stimulus program almost certainly created a job last month.
The President announced the Labor Department’s findings at a news event held in the suburban back yard of an unemployed Democratic fundraising consultant.
“There were doubters and skeptics and cynics,” the President said. “But the numbers clearly show exactly what we’ve accomplished.”
A Labor Department spokesman confirmed the new findings, but could add little detail. “There’s definitely an extra job in the numbers,” the spokesman said. “The only explanation is that it came from the stimulus program.”
GOP House leader John Boehner seemed taken aback by the sudden reversal in the President’s fortunes, but vowed that Republicans would not waver from their political and economic agendas. “This is a battle between ‘yes, we can’ and ‘just say no,’” Boehner told supporters. “Republicans remain firmly united by unyielding pessimism.”
Meanwhile, Democratic House Speaker Nancy Pelosi hinted that more good news might be on the way. “The American people can see how well our programs are working,” Pelosi said. “In the near future, I expect to see a family with affordable healthcare coverage and a customer being treated fairly by a bank.”