Tag Archive | "iphone"

American secret agents exposed by phone app?


A stunning announcement was made at a secret hacker conference last month to little fanfare.

An app was made available for the Android or IPhone platform that exposes the secret agents working for America’s top secret organizations.

Called “Find my Spy”, the app is supposed to find any currently employed agent by name or location. Since the announcement the app has gone viral and has reportedly been downloaded over 3 million times already in fifty seven countries so far. Read the full story

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Apple to Remotely Disable All iPhone 4S Models and Older 7 Days After iPhone 6 Release


CALIFORNIA: In a statement released today by Apple CEO Tim Cook, all iPhone models 4S and older are scheduled to be shut down and remotely wiped seven days after the release of the iPhone 6 on September 9th.

“Customers who have resisted upgrading to our exciting and new technology need to catch up to the rest of us, and we are requiring these individuals to experience our leap in innovation by September 16th,” said Cook.

“I mean, so much has changed since our 4S model. Personally, I can’t even begin to imagine how these people live their daily lives with the traditional 30 pin charging connector or a pathetic VGA front-facing camera.” Read the full story

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How Old is Too Old for an iPhone?


Oberlin, OH — Annabel Smith, local 2 year old, coos as she goes through her mother’s iPhone, the screen illuminating her round face.

The iPhone is well equipped with several apps specifically for babies, such as Dora’s Ballet Adventure, and thousands of Anabel’s “selfies”. Read the full story

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Apple’s iOS 7 to Feature Impressive, Radically Redesigned Glitches


CUPERTINO, CALIF — Apple recently unveiled the new iOS 7 operating system, which CEO Tim Cook is hailing as “the most radical redesign of iOS glitches since the iPhone was invented.”

According to Apple’s VP of Software Engineering, Leonard Umbrage, “Installing iOS 7 on your phone is like getting an entirely new phone, but one with which you’re already completely exasperated. It’s like an old friend with a new drug problem: truly astounding!” Read the full story

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Man Ponders Extra Device Chargers, Very Existence


Tonight I ran into a problem that maybe you have experienced in our current electronic age. After plugging in the cell phone, laptop, iPad, iPod, and Garmin GPS, I seem to have an extra charger with no device attached. How is that possible?

Although the first thought is that you have all of the important devices covered, the nagging feeling that there is something else waiting for it’s daily feeding of cheap energy (it’s not) bothers me. Read the full story

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iPhone 5 Replaces All of Your Personal Relationships


SAN FRANCISCO- In a groundbreaking statement issued to press, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced that the new iPhone will “replace all of your loved ones and cherished relationships.”

The phone and features were announced earlier this week, already prompting some to begin distancing themselves with their loved ones in preparation for the release of the phone later on in September. Read the full story

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Apple Announces New Rainbow-Crapping Unicorn


Cupertino, CA – Apple Inc. today announced the next generation of their rainbow-crapping unicorn, the “Rainbow-Crapping Unicorn 5.”

The name surprised the entire unicorn-blogging world after wide speculation that the latest Rainbow-Crapping Unicorn would be called the Rainbow-Crapping Unicorn 6 or the New Rainbow-Crapping Unicorn HD Super Plus.

As expected, Apple’s stock price benefited from the announcement and rose so fast that every single recession the nation has ever seen was deleted from the history books. Read the full story

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Apple Prototype Left in Bar


Tech sector analysts say Apple has already experienced some roller coaster PR rides, and the year is just beginning.

Apple stock surged last week on news of the I-Mback, a device that lets deceased people return as fully interactive holograms. Apple founder Steve Jobs was the first to be imprinted in the I-Mback, and he encouraged investors from the grave to “get on board, unless you’re retarded or something.” Read the full story

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Steve Jobs returns as Hologram


Apple Inc. announced today its founder did not ‘go gentle into that good night.’ Instead, Steve re-booted. Developer Etta Place told reporters, “We don’t hawk that ‘quantum leap forward’ jazz; we’re not Microsoft. Our work speaks for itself. What we’ve accomplished is Virtual Cloning.”

Ms. Place went on to explain VC had been a 2019 scheduled product release, but Job’s final contribution was leadership of the accelerated development timetable. Read the full story

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Communicate with Ghosts? There’s an App for That


Raleigh NC – GlossyNews.com – For unemployed twentysomething Reginald J Wainsborough the good news was that when his Uncle Harley died a month ago he left Reginald a diamond brooch worth $1 million. The bad news was that Uncle Harley’s will neglected to mention where the brooch was stored. That left Reginald hiring an expensive P.I. to track down the brooch.

“I was fairly sure it was in a safe deposit box,” says Reginald. “But the P.I. couldn’t find one in Uncle Harley’s name anywhere in the U.S. I was getting desperate. That brooch was my sole source of income or potential income and I could not find it. Read the full story

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Is the iPad Right-Sizing Technology (Again)?


Utah, Behind the Zion Curtain (GlossyNews) — The iPad sucks. Whew, there, I said it, let the games begin. The iPad – single tasking handheld tablet computer that has the ability to enter local area networks and the internet, along with the inability to process at least one of the most popular multimedia data formats on the network — even though it has exceptional graphics. It does not offer stylus or pen computing or any handwriting capability (although, that may be a plus).

maXiPad? So what is it? It isn’t new, that’s for sure. Read the full story

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One Dead After Conflicting iPhone Apps Simultaneously Open


Des Plains, IL (GlossyNews) — A Park Ridge, IL wedding party turned to disaster when an iPhone user died and three more suffered minor burns after the man inadvertently opened a volatile combination of iPhone apps. Ray Lipton, 35, of Elmhurst was pronounced dead at the scene.

“Ray was showing me his new ‘Gas Pump’ app and it seemed to be working fine until the pump started overfilling the gas tank,” Tanya Damperling, Lipton’s date, sobbed as she recalled the terrible accident.

“There was gas all over the place and Ray was doing his best to turn the pump off, but the ‘Drop your cigarette and squash it with your foot’ app opened up instead. Read the full story

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Apple Releases “Is It Raining?” App


CUPERTINO, CA (GlossyNews) — Steve Jobs, co-founder and CEO of Apple Inc., proudly took the podium yesterday at the company’s headquarters for a surprise product announcement.

“The wait is over;” proclaimed Jobs, “I proudly give you the ‘Is It Raining?’ app!” Read the full story

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Apple Creates Demand for Products That Don’t Exist — Again


Cupertino, CA Apple Inc. CEO and co-founder Steve Jobs was at it, again, doing what he does best — when not shouting at helpless employees at HQ, or in and out of hospital.

He was preaching the gospel of it’s newest product the iPad formerly known as the iTablet, with a low-cal version called the iTab.

For a product that has yet to hit the market, the iPad is touted by many technology pundits and TechTrendsTrackers, a leading [San Francisco]Bay area fad consultancy as the ‘ultimate iPhone and MacBook killer in a single blow and possibly,Macgod forbid, the iPod. Read the full story

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Apple’s iBoob Set to Break Sales Records


Addressing a press conference at his corporate headquarters in California’s Silicone Valley, Steve Jobs, the company founder of Crapple, announced today that they has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.

This is further being considered a major social breakthrough due the fact whingeing women are forever complaining about men staring at their boobs and yet never listening to them. Read the full story

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Air Phone Becomes Big Concern Of Cell Phone Suppliers


Washington, DC – The “Air phone look” is a person’s left or right arm crooked with the hand touching the ear and lips simultaneously with the thumb and little finger extended, 3 other fingers folded under the palm.

Everyone’s doing it whether it’s on TV or in the movies; on buses or trains; even through plate glass windows — and always with the mouthed “call me” attached. AT&T, Comcast, Verizon and Sprint are foaming at the mouth over this blatant quasi phone usage without paying for it. Read the full story

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