WONKI-LEAKS #264 Our team of ever intrepid hackers have recently managed to intercept the following instructions being given to new FOX interns via e-mail as they help the massive television and radio giant prepare the scripted material for their pundits and ‘reporters’:

The basic maxim to the type of journalism that FOX News specializes in is- ‘You can dig up dirt on anyone.’ This should be memorized and utilized every day in your investigations. Read the full story

Dramatic drops in ratings combined with a lack of any reputable (top-of-market-paying) advertiser willing to be part of his show have finally taken their toll on Glenn Beck and his FOXNews program.

Beck offered a rare olive branch, saying, “…I want to verify something that is true,” which marked a noted departure for Beck, who normally avoids verifying the truth, preferring only espouses crazy conspiracy theories and conspicuous product placement for his gold, seed and Armageddon survival oriented sponsors. Read the full story

In an upcoming autobiography by Bill O’Reilly in which he prefers not to play himself, O’Reilly has hired Tom Hanks to step in and portray the “love him or hate him” darling of Fox News Channel.

“At first I thought, man, this is really weird,” says Hank about being approached to play Bill O in the book. “But the more I read about O’Reilly’s life, I realized this guy really needs help, so I said sure, why not?” Read the full story

But An Unforgivable, Atrocious Cardinal Sin For NPR To Fire Williams For Saying That He Was Afraid Of Muslims On Planes.

Except in this case, a bit of a surprise, it was actually the Republicans politicians making donations to the reporters.

Suspensions are reportedly with pay and can be taken any time over the coming 180-days, or cashed out like traditional flex-pay.

A bizarre plot has been uncovered that is sending chills down the spines of many liberals, free thinkers and political independents. A leaked memo from the highest levels of FOX News to leaders of the top ultra conservative movements reveals that a plot is underfoot to unleash millions of mentally altered FOX ‘Frankenfans’ upon all Americans who are at all left of center in the political realm. Read the full story

American Idol easily established itself as a ratings powerhouse in its first season, but now that Paula has left the show, and Simon has likewise finished his last show (though for very different reasons,) the viability of the franchise is up in the air. Here are some of the ways the show can save itself, or ruin itself, moving forward. Read the full story

At Sea, South Pacific (GlossyNews) — Rumors are swirling in back alleys and executive washrooms about the handful of tapes that, if made public, could blow the lid off Rupert Murdoch’s hold on American politics, bringing Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and others down with him in the fallout. Read the full story

Jacksonville, Ms (GlossyNews) — The fans of right wing talk show host Michael Savage are leaving him in droves upon learning that he is not really ‘Savage’ but actually a wienie. It was revealed today that his real name is Michael Alan Weiner.

Sponsors at the San Francisco radio station that air ‘Weiner’ are heatedly considering dropping the radio super star. “How can we have a guy with a sissy name like Weiner pushing our agendas for taking over the nation? Weiner sounds like the name of one of the Castro Street transvestite sluts!” said Marcus Bentmind, President of Americans For Controlling Everything. Read the full story

An Undisclosed Island in the Pacific Ocean (GlossyNews) — Only days after canceling the television series 24, Fox announced today that it had reversed it’s decision and decided to pick the show up for a ninth and final season. The announcement came just as tabloid websites were reporting that Kiefer Sutherland, star of the popular action thriller, had begun intimidating and threatening executives at Fox over the shows early demise.

The execs say there is “absolutely no truth” to the rumors and that the renewal was just a change of heart Read the full story

An incredible subversive plot has been uncovered in America that could erode the very foundations of our democracy.

Angered over the U.S.’s alleged covert interference with their politics in the ousting of Prime Minister Gough Whitlam in 1975, Australia has hatched an incredible, long term plot to bring the giant nation down.

Spearheaded and personally put into action by super Australian newspaper magnet Rupert Murdoch, the Aussies concocted a plot that hit directly at America’s Achilles heel- our political naivety. Their devious plan was to create a media empire that would wave the American flag and pretend to be super patriots, but in reality convolute America politics to such an extent that it would be the basis for setting up a right wing dictatorship. Read the full story

UNDISCLOSED, DELAWARE – Former VP Dick “Darth” Cheney announced today that he has retained the Trump Organization and The Donald as co-executive producers of his new “Memoirs” reality show to air on Fox this fall. Read the full story