Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (1/3)

Well, it only took me a day to beat The Respect Police! šŸ˜›

And to publish my astonishing revelation of the boundless grace, mercy and abhorrently irrational bullshit…

That Lord Jehovah (of Watchtower celebrity fame and stardom) dispenses to his most achingly subservient and submissive followers.

So, this is the latest (not-so-)private revelation from the Lord that Jehovah has granted unto his best buddies (abject servants) among the Witnesses.

OK, yeah thanks, Jeho-ho darling.

ā€¦

Oh, sorry, I assumed we were on first name terms by now.

Well yeah, Iā€™ll tell our, um, my customers nowā€¦

Uh, sorry, my worshippers.

Well hey, everybody! Just got one damn-fine-sexy-little-policy-clarification from Jehovah.

Oh, by the way, TECHNICALLY, this isnā€™t a flip-flop. Never, ever doubt our character here at the Watchtower. And FAR LESS, our steadfast and absolute certainty of the truth.

And it CERTAINLY isnā€™t an attempt to reinterpret the eternal, unchanging word of God in response to new circumstances.

Like, thatā€™s something punk-ass-extremist-liberal churches like Southern Baptists, Traditionalist Catholics and Heavenā€™s Gate do.

Or at least, they do this a hell of a lot more than WE do, which probably isnā€™t saying much.

And, itā€™s certainly not, WORST OF ALLā€¦

An ERROR!

I mean, cā€™mon! Weā€™re the Watchtower. We may not be an ā€œinfallible prophetic organisation,ā€ but we ARE a ā€œprophetic organisation.ā€

No, donā€™t ask me what that means. Itā€™s just semantics.

And although the Devil loves semantics (for he is the very creator and embodiment of the same)ā€¦

Well, Jehovah, by (fairly obvious!) contrast, just hates semantics.

Yeah, I mean, why would Jehovah want you to be arrogantly questioning THE MEANING OF THE WORDS WE USE? Such blind, presumptuous hubris!

No! Jesus Christ is The Logos, The Word. WEā€™RE…

Um, HEā€™S heavenly, and YOUā€™RE not.

So it obviously follows from this that the merely earthly-minded and created cannot understand the ineffable Wordā€¦

Nor indeed the plain and honest, common sense words we proclaim unto you.

OOF! Well, that was a nice Godly-Gish-sermon to tire you out. Now that youā€™re on the ropes, Iā€™ll rush through the more embarrassing bit.

More heavenly delights next time.

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!