Tag Archive | "bill o’reilly"

Google Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down


Accumulating a huge mass of knowledge in its 17 years of existence, the Internet giant Google has officially made itself the greatest source of knowledge in the entire universe, surpassing even that of Douglas Adam’s giant planet computer in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

In a surprising move as a result of this development, God has stepped down as the Supreme Force of the Universe. Asked to make a public statement about this unexpected change, God refused at first to answer reporters’ questions. Read the full story

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Posted in Internets Tubes, ReligionismComments (6)

New Study Shows the Mexican Cartel to Be “Bunch of Homos(exuals)”


A new study done by the Political Association of Immigration Soldiers and American Students reveals the Mexican Cartel, the same people that love to molest its house rats (no, not their children), to be having mass intercourse with one another. Read the full story

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The Rumble: Stewart vs. O’Reilly… Stewart Won


This wasn’t the most anticipated pay-per-view event of the year, but it was big enough to crash the livestream servers.

Sure it was only $5 a pop, but half the money went to charity, and at the end of the night, only one winner would emerge; Jon Stewart.

I’m writing this not to stay on the cutting edge of satire, but as a public service. I paid my $4.95 to watch it on-demand, and for these 90-minutes of equal partisan banter, it was well worth it. Read the full story

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Tom Hanks Plays Bill O’Reilly in Upcoming Autobiography


In an upcoming autobiography by Bill O’Reilly in which he prefers not to play himself, O’Reilly has hired Tom Hanks to step in and portray the “love him or hate him” darling of Fox News Channel.

“At first I thought, man, this is really weird,” says Hank about being approached to play Bill O in the book. “But the more I read about O’Reilly’s life, I realized this guy really needs help, so I said sure, why not?” Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, EntertainmentComments (2)

O’Reilly, Obama Find Common Ground; Glenn Beck is Nuts


President Obama sat down with Fox News Show host Bill O’Reilly in a rare and candid interview that touched on everything from the unrest in Egypt and how it should be handled, the economy and how to achieve a more stable union, and Obama’s thoughts on the 2012 elections. But it was Glenn Beck that really brought the two men together in a meeting of the minds. Read the full story

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Yet Another Outbreak of Rabies at FOX News


MINOT, North Dakota (GlossyNews) — The recent outbreak of rabies, the madness inducing disease spread by biting that has infected the major stars of Fox News Station, has spread far beyond the confines of their offices. In a new evolution of the disease it appears that it has the ability to leap over the airwaves and infect its listeners, turning them into politically monotonic drones, much like brainless zombies constantly ranting the same tired phrases over and over. Read the full story

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Palin Truths Rile Up Political Base Again


Recently, on the Bill O’Reilly Show, Sarah Palin made this statement “American Law Should Be Based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments.” It is not enough that the founding fathers saw fit to make God a part of their decision-making process when crafting this country’s laws, Palin believes that the laws of this country should be based in the belief system of one faith only, the Judeo-Christian faith. Read the full story

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The War on Kwanzaa


I went into a Kroger’s today, and not one person wished me a Fruitful Kwanzaa….when i went to the WalMart to pick up some tasty steaks, again, not one Fruitful Kwanzaa….what is up with that? Have we come to such a place in this country that chain stores are so afraid of “political correctness” that they tell their employers not to wish anyone a Fruitful Kwanzaa and replace it with the Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays greeting instead?

I called Fox Noise and told them this was another example of political correctness run amok, and they told me they had way too many other petty things to bitch about to care about some half-african seasonal greeting and that maybe if i want to hear somebody wish me a Fruitful Kwanzaa I should park my happy ass on the next plane heading back to Africa.

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O’Reilly Interviews God, Tells Him To ‘Shut Up’


In a controversial incident on Fox News, Bill O’Reilly was interviewing God, asking how the Almighty could come to allow the Democrats to run both the Senate and White House. During God’s attempt to explain that he had to be fair to all sides, O’Reilly got peeved when God started to explain the Democrats point of view and constantly interrupted Him. Midway through the show O’Reilly blew his stack and told God to “Shut up!” Read the full story

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