Tag Archive | "abuse"

Catholic Priests Terrorize Italy’s Youth


Terror in Italy this morning as hundreds of Catholic priests descend upon the Vatican. Italian Mister of Defense Giampaolo di Paola has imposed a strict curfew and parents are being encouraged to keep their children indoors until the threat has passed.

Authorities are uncertain of the cause of the sudden swarm of holy men but it appears to have something to do with replacing their recently deposed leader. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Human Interest, ReligionismComments (1)

Catholic Church To Endorse Masturbation By Males Only


The Catholic church is preparing to make a major announcement concerning changes to their view on sexual behavior.

After years of frowning upon, and causing many young Catholics to experience immense guilt, they are now ready to endorse masturbation for their male followers.

It unfortunately still won’t be an option for the females and this is due to the internal discussions that have been held over the last few months related to the change. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Health, ReligionismComments (2)

Memory Foam Mattress Recounts Continued Abuse


A memory foam mattress from Florida has made its first appearance in court today in a case detailing years of continued abuse by married couple Mr and Mrs Winemuff.

Looking nervous the memory foam mattress took the stand and began a harrowing story of years of humiliation and physical and sexual attack.

RIGHT: Click to enlarge photo.

It was stated that Mrs Winemuff would force the memory foam mattress to dress in inappropriate flowered bed linen and would often use physical strength to force the fitted sheets on top of the mattress. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Crime, SocietyComments (1)

Mel Gibson Tortures Wife During Racist Rant while World Looks Away


TEXARKANA, Texas (GlossyNews) — Melvin, or Mel, Gibson, a 75-year-old redneck from Rockdale, Texas, stood on the corner of Cameron Ave and Main this morning. He was dressed in the requisite T-shirt and stained khaki work pants and holding a battered and half nude 72-year-old Dorinda, his wife of 50 years, by the hair while he screamed racist comments at the top of his lungs.

As a Sheriff’s Deputy drove by, slowing down for a group of vultures eating a dead something-or-other in the middle of the road, Mel hollered that a pack of wild niggers was going to attack Dorinda for wearing a pink bra. Then he screamed and yelled about how the Jews were taking over the world, followed by something or other about Mexicans, loose women, the Gov’ment then Homos. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Entertainment, Strange PeopleComments (2)

Catholic Church Finds Innocent Priest, Excommunicates Him


CASTRO STREET, San Fransisco, CA (GlossyNews) — The Catholic Church revealed Saturday morning that they had found one priest in Renton, Washington, whom, they say, has never committed any act of abuse or possibly any sin during his tenure as a seminary student, and throughout his preisthood.

Father Quentin O’Daily, 42, originally of Fargo, North Dakota, was paraded in front of the news media as the quintessential new model priest of the 21st Century. His background was verified by Funk and Wagnals as well as Price Waterhouse.

“He is 110 percent pure,” gleefully ejaculated Father Max Packer, Bishop of Duluth. Read the full story

Share

Posted in ReligionismComments (0)

CIA Caught Spying on Afghan Rug – Part I of I


As related to Glossy News by a well informed cabbie in New York City.

Former CIA operative turned whistleblower, Frank Turner, shocked the nation this past Friday recounting his recent hardships in front of a live television audience. Turner, who had remained relatively anonymous after his estrangement, used the attention to direct harsh criticisms toward CIA officials and further expose the organization’s most recent intrusion into domestic affairs. Read the full story

Share

Posted in War ZoneComments (0)

Dodgy Deviant Gets Ceo Position, As Expected


The New Labour government’s childcare watchdog Ofsted has been heavily criticised by every bugger and their dog after appointing a dodgy deviant official – once embroiled in a notorious paedophile scandal – to a senior post in the organisation.

The Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills has named Willie McScum as its Social Care chief – a job which gives him effective control of the protection of male and female minors in care homes and nurseries across the length and breadth of the entire UK. Read the full story

Share

Posted in CrimeComments (2)

David Letterman Accepts Sex Revelations Humility, Ratings Boon


David Letterman has been preaching a daily tell-all on his nightly TV shows, almost boasting about his sexual exploits with his staff. His ratings have gone through the roof and other late night TV hosts are now paying attention to this gimmick, which has leapt him ahead in the cut-throat TV ratings game. Read the full story

Share

Posted in TelevisionComments (0)

Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial