TEXARKANA, Texas (GlossyNews) — Melvin, or Mel, Gibson, a 75-year-old redneck from Rockdale, Texas, stood on the corner of Cameron Ave and Main this morning. He was dressed in the requisite T-shirt and stained khaki work pants and holding a battered and half nude 72-year-old Dorinda, his wife of 50 years, by the hair while he screamed racist comments at the top of his lungs.

As a Sheriff’s Deputy drove by, slowing down for a group of vultures eating a dead something-or-other in the middle of the road, Mel hollered that a pack of wild niggers was going to attack Dorinda for wearing a pink bra. Then he screamed and yelled about how the Jews were taking over the world, followed by something or other about Mexicans, loose women, the Gov’ment then Homos. Read the full story

CASTRO STREET, San Fransisco, CA (GlossyNews) — The Catholic Church revealed Saturday morning that they had found one priest in Renton, Washington, whom, they say, has never committed any act of abuse or possibly any sin during his tenure as a seminary student, and throughout his preisthood.

Father Quentin O’Daily, 42, originally of Fargo, North Dakota, was paraded in front of the news media as the quintessential new model priest of the 21st Century. His background was verified by Funk and Wagnals as well as Price Waterhouse.

“He is 110 percent pure,” gleefully ejaculated Father Max Packer, Bishop of Duluth. Read the full story

As related to Glossy News by a well informed cabbie in New York City.

Former CIA operative turned whistleblower, Frank Turner, shocked the nation this past Friday recounting his recent hardships in front of a live television audience. Turner, who had remained relatively anonymous after his estrangement, used the attention to direct harsh criticisms toward CIA officials and further expose the organization’s most recent intrusion into domestic affairs. Read the full story

The New Labour government’s childcare watchdog Ofsted has been heavily criticised by every bugger and their dog after appointing a dodgy deviant official – once embroiled in a notorious paedophile scandal – to a senior post in the organisation.

The Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills has named Willie McScum as its Social Care chief – a job which gives him effective control of the protection of male and female minors in care homes and nurseries across the length and breadth of the entire UK. Read the full story

David Letterman has been preaching a daily tell-all on his nightly TV shows, almost boasting about his sexual exploits with his staff. His ratings have gone through the roof and other late night TV hosts are now paying attention to this gimmick, which has leapt him ahead in the cut-throat TV ratings game. Read the full story