Categorized | Sports Scandals

Madden Players Association in Heated Lockout

Madden Players Association in Heated Lockout

GREENVILLE, NC – Sports media has covered many lockouts over the years, but have yet to address the major Madden ’13 lockout that is intensifying in many homes across the country.

The lockout occurred after EA sports stopped providing catered food services at their tournaments. This initial outrage has only grown.

“The life of a professional gamer isn’t as illustrious as people would believe,” stated Pete Gallagher, Director of the Madden Player Association, living in Greenville, North Carolina.

“Free meals are a big plus, considering we spend most of our winnings getting to and from the tournaments.”

12 year-old Maurice Johnson stated, “I’m not playing until my mom gives me a bigger allowance. Now she has to entertain me instead of relying on video games to do it.”

There doesn’t seem to be an end in sight to the lockout, with EA refusing to meet any of the demands.

A spokes person from EA announced in a press junket, “These demands are absurd. How are we supposed to make sure there is enough candy at the receptionist desk at some insurance agency in Indiana?”

No Madden ’13 tournaments have been scheduled due to the lockout, although EA is in talks to import Japanese gamers to compete in the tournament.

“They can go ahead and hire those scabs. No foreigner can play Madden with the same fervor American gamers do,” Stated Gallagher.

“They can’t have the dignity we have left. We are Madden players, that’s what we were put on this earth to do, but some people just don’t see it that way. I hope this lockout ends soon because I have been spending way too much time with my kids.”

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I'm a stand-up comedian, author of "The Alphabet of Everything I Hate," an artist of sorts, and a rouge writer who's got a weird thing for oxford commas... like, really weird. Like three x's weird. Follow me @velezerraptor on twitter

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One Response to “Madden Players Association in Heated Lockout”

  1. Brian K. White says:

    I’m just worried about the American players juicing.

    I know a couple Madden ’13 players, and they all would test positive for pot and Cheetos.

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