Guy Discovers Breaking Bad, Thinks He’s Broken Bad

Jason Rosen, a casual TV watcher from Wichita, Kansas, recently discovered the AMC original series “Breaking Bad” through Netflix, and now thinks he is a hardened man of the world.

“When I see Skylar bust [Walter’s] balls, I think to myself, ‘listen woman, you don’t KNOW who I am!’ but then I back off and realize she’s just a meth wife,” said Rosenberg.

NOTE: This article was revised by two GlossyNews staff editors, both of whom have differing opinions on the show. It is unlikely that you’ll notice, but it is important to point it out. No it isn’t.

“I don’t know how to run a car wash, but one thing I know for damn sure is how not to run a car wash,” said Rosenbergman, before adding, “I’m only half-way through season four, so don’t ruin it for me.”

He also talked about how Pinkman is the cancer on western man, and how Gustavo Fring is just about the coolest character ever, and one that is sure to stick around for many seasons.

“Oh clearly Gus is running the whole show. He’s going to be a big part of the show until at least season eight or nine,” said Rosenbergmanstein, clearly having failed to read any spoilers or even watch the widely played promos for season five. (We honestly wonder if he ever thought of the fact that when meth labs are involved, things blow up, people die. If people die, then seriously, will there even be a season six? It’s a stupid premise, and one which is awesome.)

“This is clearly the best show on television, and anyone that disagrees is an idiot,” said Rosenbergmansteinholm. “And if the Emmy’s disagree, then they are partnering with Al Qaeda, or is it the Taliban? I’m never quite sure. They all blur together to me.”

“And can we just kill off Pinkman already? I mean, come on, that kid’s the hugest pain in the butt anyone’s ever seen. He’ll get ya killed if you’re not careful.” Which brings us to our earlier question, which is, it’s a meth lab moron, eventually everyone’s gonna die so do you really need to watch any more? Just move to Kansas City. If that doesn’t make you grow a pair, nothing will.

While the editors of Glossy News agree that this is just about the best show on television, we vehemently disagrees with pretty much everything said by this person in this article, and also assert that it’s a terrible show that should never have been put on the air.

But yes. Breaking Bad is just about the best show on television. And also, no it isn’t.

Author: Brian White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

1 thought on “Guy Discovers Breaking Bad, Thinks He’s Broken Bad

  1. No, it is THE best show on television. Hate to break it to you but Fring goes out in a blaze of glory, and Walter is evil incarnate. Guess when you stare death in the face it changes you.

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