Glossy News Soccer, um, Football Round-up (2/2)

Football Legend

Self-styled, very much self-stylish, and scandalously glossy-cape-porting Caliph Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi has made thinking about football, dreaming about football, or otherwise being remotely aware of the historical existence of football, an unforgivable and inexcusable hate crime against The Greater Good.

Back of the Old Onion Swag

And on a completely unrelated note to the latter tyrannical and highly bureaucratic measure, the UK Government have passed a new benevolently-Tory-paternalistic motion.

Any schools and universities where students underperform in sports or PE will be immediately defunded.

But not eliminated.

Well, I did say ‘benevolent’ Tory paternalism, didn’t I? 😉

Furthermore, any military regiments where the activities in the ever-shrinking sports break component of training time are not of a truly international standard, will be forced to seek a suitable sponsor…

From a reasonably impartial list of ‘purely recommended and in no way whatsoever compulsory’ list of business corporations.

All the foregoing measures, as always, are purely in order to ensure a competitive and viable educational/military environment, in accordance with:

A consummately non-arbitrary selection of purely objective and value-neutral economically-scientific criteria.

Sorry, the latter meaningless sentence was a bit repetitious and reminiscent of an earlier passage in instalment one of this article. But then, it’s not me who keeps harping on this stuff, is it? 😛

Well, perhaps history repeats itself once more…

Author: Wallace Runnymede

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