God Issues Defamation & Copyright Cease and Desist

One tragic “unintended consequence” of the DMCA is that it has resulted in a currently unverified premature leak of a document God was planning to reveal to the world.

Or at least to those who had ears to hear.

I can’t say for sure if the following transcript is for real.

Still, I guess this is one of those things. You either believe it or you don’t.

Listen, everybody. Now, I’m a pretty nice person. I mean, there’s no one in this world who is more loving and generous than me!

Or indeed outside this world, but that’s getting into unwarranted metaphysical speculations, and I just don’t want to encourage you people any further.

But listen up. Yes, I did say you could use my Word as “fair use.” But I didn’t say you could just inappropriately cite it at length, word for word, verbatim every five minutes, just to cynically prove a point!

And yes, that does apply to translations too!

I mean, why on earth would you do that? This book is my property, and you can’t just go around appropriating it and making misleading connections between my glorious works and the foul and contrived speculations of your own overheated and hateful heart!

Yeah, why didn’t you ask me what I thought first? I allow people to make derivative works all the time, and if you want to use my work for some legitimate purpose, I’m never going to say no to a reasonable request.

I mean, am I really so stern and unapproachable?

Oh by the way, speaking of “fair use,” it’s not very “fair” to some of my other readers; or even to people who don’t know my work.

Well, I’m guessing you don’t need me to provide any examples. Right?

But seriously, you people are tarnishing my brand. I mean, never mind that pathetic mass-market knock-off, “The Satanic Bible.” Everyone can see that’s just a pathetic, contrived heap of pulp fiction trash by some junk wannabe deity.

But my stuff is the real thing! So that pretentious, artsy-fartsy stuff by the Devil doesn’t really matter that much. Everyone knows I’m a much better writer than the Devil. And as the saying goes, it’s me that has written all the books!

Well, even if some of them were ghost-written or created under pen-names. You know, Buddha, Allah, Sri Krishna, Waheguru.

(But not Joseph Smith, perennial rumors notwithstanding).

But yes, I have many hats. I mean, you always have to target it for a specific audience.

Well yeah, just trust me, I’m God, I know what I’m doing.

But still, whenever people just wantonly misread my works in the name of “paying tribute” to me, when they really want to get rich and famous (or at least notorious) of the back of my own ideas and writings…

Well, that’s just not on!

You know, some months back (non-eternally speaking of course), I got a message from Earth that warned me about the way you people have been behaving.


Now, my policy is, if people are doing wrong, warn them in the first instance. Or even a few more.

But in the end, if they don’t quit hardening their necks and being stubborn, then we’re just going to have to see what we can do about that.

So turn back and repent, otherwise, there’ll be hell to pay!

Sorry. I mean OK, OK, that wasn’t the wittiest pun of my career. But hey, anyone with as long and accomplished a literary career as mine can probably afford an odd slip or two.

Oh and by the way, thanks for clarifying Amendment 14! I just can’t stand people who read books and documents in some rigid, hidebound and closed-minded manner! 🙂


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