The Taliban, recognizing the similarities between their doctrines and that of the Christian Right, have started an Evangelical Taliban branch in the U.S.
Spokesman Tali Wozati stated “Although Christian fundamentalists are heathen dogs who will burn in Hell fire for eternity, we find parts of their creed to be attractive- intolerance for anything not of your religion, repression of women, ignorance of individual rights, moral control over others and committing atrocities in the name of God to cite a few.”
“By starting this new branch we will get a foothold in the U.S. for the purpose of infiltration…er,…infatuating people with the love of Allah, or ‘God’ in the bastardized way you say it. We might even be able to convert some of these big, strong boys they send over to fight us in the military to join. Think the Marines are macho? Blowing yourself and others up is more macho than anything!”
“Of course, on some issues we do see things differently so that need to be worked out. For instance, with the case of abortion, we simply kill the mother with the baby too to solve the problem. This causes tension in many of the Christian Right we are trying to collaborate with.
“Also the question of forgiveness, a worthless Jesus virtue. Chopping off hands and heads is so much quicker and cheaper, not to mention has more entertainment value. Overcrowded prisons? Simply make capital punishment the answer for all crimes from theft on up. That takes care of a lot of problems including the high cost of incarceration.
In fact, if the police would learn just to kill them on the spot like we do it would save millions! But all of these things will be worked out as we slowly weed out those who have difficulty being totally obedient…er….totally submissive to the Evangelical Allah.”
We have a lot to offer fundamentalism. We can teach ways of control over Believers they never dreamed of.”