AFGHANISTAN (GlossyTribalNews) — In the remote tribal areas of Afghanistan, the Taliban declared today as the official “Eat A Turd For Muhammad Day.” Hundreds of armed Taliban fighters visited scores of remote tribal villages and forced village people at gunpoint to eat crap in order to show their true submission to Muhammad.
Ziki Al-Ghabouni, a spokesman for the Taliban, claims nearly a 100% of villagers participated in the event and only two dozen or so were, ‘sent to meet Muhammad’ for failing to participate.
“It’s not bad if there’s enough corn in it,” claimed avillage leader Ramoud Farsi, 34, who wanly smiled for the camera as an AK-47 bayonet was pushed menacing against his back. Others felt the same, as scores of armed, dark bearded men in black turbans took to back rooms filling small plates for the villagers throughout the small enclave.
The annual event started in 2006 as part of the ‘ Put Your Trust In Allah By Showing Good Faith’ symposium and trade show put on by Taliban leaders in the Helmund region of the country. The Eat-A-Turd for Muhammad Day is the brainchild of Gazhi Al Boutmoub, a regional Taliban chieftain in the Walishiri sector of northern Pakistan.
For his innovative and courageous efforts, Al Boutmoub was awarded the prestigious Osama Service Medal consisting of two camels under a star and crescent moon on a black background. The round medal is made of aluminum and has a bullet-proof carry pouch with Bin Laden’s image on it.
When asked about the meaning of the representations inscribed on the medal, no one actually knew, but one Taliban official claimed the ‘Sheik’ designed it by drawing a depiction in the sand with his own urine stream.
A company in Pakistan has offered to package the Holy Turds in convenient plastic pouches, but a senior Taliban official declined, citing problems with fighters not wanting to hold the pouches open for fellow Taliban .
Sorry SFO…There are NO TROLLS allowed on this site. Go back to your trailer.
“The people you wish to make nice-nice with have little tolerence for your beliefs and would kill you in heartbeat just because they suspect you’re a Christian, therefore weak in their eyes, and the very word of tolerance is threatening to their 11th century mindset.”
How is that different than American soldiers who say a prayer to God before they go out and kill a bunch of Allah-loving ragheads?
“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
“Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
“Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” – Jesus Christ, circa 30 A.D.
I appreciate your commitment to something you truly believe in. I, myself, look to a higher power, not even God but a universal goodness in all. My reality isn’t based in hate vs. hate it is based in good will eventually overcome evil. That is why I cannot let myself sink to a level of what the terrorists allow themselves no matter how heinous the crime. And for the record, while we are on the subject of “religious leaders” hiding behind their temples, just exactly what do you think the Pope and all those religious Catholics are doing as they commit crime after crime against our young boys and men? Maybe it’s not bombs they are using to undermine a people, but just the same, they are guilty of crimes unimaginable in my world. We aren’t going after them with the same gusto, why? Because they are white? Because they are Christian? They are nothing more than evil incarnate and they spread just as much death and devastation, only thsy use LOVE as a weapon.
It’s a good debate. I’ll respect your side as long as mine is equally respected. I change my mind. I’d like to see no one pissing on anything other than an unsuspecting bush (no not that bush 🙂 or in the toilet.
“Since when did a Mosque become a non-religious site? We should all be allowed then to piss on any place of religious worship. Correct? I vote we all go down and piss on a Catholic cathedral. Everyone game?”
OK, but you can’t lift your leg!
On a serious note. If I’m correct, and I’m pretty sure about this, but Islamic fanatics have no second thoughts about blowing up a mosque while people are praying in it. Have used a mosque’s pretense of tolerant religious sanctuary to store arms and munitions used against people, some of which are their own faithful brothers.
Have used mosques as a staging point for terror attacks in western cities. Clerics have preached hatred and promoted the use of terror actions against others from mosques in the name of pleasing Allah.
These same groups that show feinted revulsion against any attack by westerners against any mosque, is also the same group that has no qualms about machine gunning innocent pilgrims who visited Christianity’s most holy places like the birth place of Christ in Bethlehem, or throwing a wheelchair bound Jewish man off of a cruise ship.
I believe that though your political correctness about ‘muslim feelings’ is admirable and Christian-like in itself. The people you wish to make nice-nice with have little tolerence for your beliefs and would kill you in heartbeat just because they suspect you’re a Christian, therefore weak in their eyes, and the very word of tolerance is threatening to their 11th century mindset.
I don’t condone acts of hate. I certainly don’t promote desecrating any place of worship as a means of inciting ill-conceived revenge or political leverage. But let’s face it, the muslims have gotten way too many double standard free passes and it’s about time the moderate Islamics take a stand and condemm terror. Condemn violence. Condemn those who practice these acts as anti-Islamic and against faith.
What has infuriated many is the practice of responsible, moderate Islamic leaders remaining silent about terrorism in the name of Allah and playing both sides of the political/religious fence.
I for one will never stop writing about this double standard. It needs to be said that Islam is a great religion and as Christinas we have no beef about their beliefs. But I won’t remain silent about muslim hypocrisy…I still remember the TV images of cheering and clapping Palestinians celebrating the fall of the Trade Towers. You really should take heed from that.
I meant that the Taliban (from the headline) isn’t a religious thing. I’m sorry if I missed the underlying tone.
Can we desecrate Catholic sites? I’d prefer the answer is no, but they won’t burn our homes down while we’re sleeping, so we get a bit more flexibility with them. Don’t want to be too wishy-washy on it, and believe me I understand your point, but you know, just that. 🙁
Since when did a Mosque become a non-religious site? We should all be allowed then to piss on any place of religious worship. Correct? I vote we all go down and piss on a Catholic cathedral. Everyone game?
The critical difference here is that Cletus didn’t go after a religion, but an organization. There’s nothing wrong with going after and hating on the state sponsors of terror, which is what the Taliban was.
We can agree to disagree. I appreciate that option. Write on.
It’s OK. I understand ….But if it makes you feel better, they only make the Republican Afghans eat it. The Taliban give the Democrat Afghans spinach souffle and muffins. The Independents? Well, they make them carefully balance on the business end of an AK-47 while watching re-runs of Glenn Beck. If their feet touch the floor, well, you know,
Congrats on a great story! I used to write for another satire website where the editor was too much of a slimeball coward to print anything even slightly defamatory against the shi’ite heads. This story would have never passed muster there (I know, because I tried publishing a series of “Piss on A Mosque Day” and “Throw a paper airplane at a mosque on 9/11” stories).
Don’t like this at all and not really afraid of saying so. It is in poor taste (first time I made a pun that doesn’t relate to funny). Hate the Taliban but having poor, subjugated people eat crap? Nah, not funny.