Mount Rushmore Expansion Opens This Weekend

National Park Service Bulletin-(SatireWorld.com) – The Department of the Interior has rolled out its first big celebration in many years as they officiate the opening of America’s first new national park in almost 40 years.

In recent years budget shortfalls have curtailed expansions and inclusions into the vast national park service, but a recent endowment allowed the Park Service to put in the necessary roads and infrastructure to allow visitors.

The new park is located on the otherside of Mt. Rushmore and is fittingly called Mount Backside. According to Hemly Furguson, Head Ranger at Mt. Rushmore…”We always had the backsides of the presidents there, but no way for guests to see them. Now, with the new roads, parking, and concession stands we can cater to more visitors.”

So, how does a visitor know which presidential butt belongs to who when viewed from the rear? Thoughtfully, the Park Service has erected large signage next to each president’s butt after George Washington’s butt was mistaken for Theodore Roosevelt’s large butt by a group of Swedish tourists taking photos.

The grand opening had to be postponed for almost two weeks when park officials found graffitti artists had defaced one of the backsides by scrawling ‘Welcome To Brokeback Mountain’ on Thomas Jefferson’s ass. It was removed using high pressure water hoses donated by the Black Hills Colonic Center located nearby Coal Chute South Dakota.

Park hours are from 9AM-6PM Monday thru Friday. For advance tickets call 800-800-2222.

Author: Bargis Tryhol

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