With Texas Governor Rick Perry signing a new bill requiring women to see a sonogram of their unborn baby before undergoing an abortion, into law, the nature of the abortion debate has changed nationwide.
The law in its current form requires a 24 hour waiting period and for photos of the developing fetus to be made available to the expecting mother. Governor Perry praises the law saying, “Every life lost to abortion is a tragedy we all must work together to prevent.”
According a close advisor to the Governor, Perry will continue to reject waiting periods before the purchase of hand guns because he believes it is “literally impossible to prevent Texans from buying guns to shoot those darker than them.”
Perry defends his move to pro-choice activists by pointing out how he only signed a more moderate version of the original bill presented by the state Congress.
Reportedly the original bill required all mothers to see a photoshopped picture of their fetus giving them a “Worlds #1 Mom” mug, which they would have to carry to their one hour “I’m not mad, just disappointed speech” from baby Jesus.
The expecting mother would then be required to pledge allegiance to al Quaeda and perform a sexual act with the corpse of Osama bin Laden, which would be chosen randomly by spinning a wheel. A Norwegian dwarf dressed as Satan would then apparently offer a high five which the mother could reject if she lived more than 100 miles away from the clinic, in favor of a daps.
The mother would then undergo the mandatory waiting period and be permitted to have her abortion without undue burden as required by the United States Constitution. A spokesperson for Planned Parenthood responded to Perry with the prepared statement “Fucking rednecks.”
Got a little graphic there, but overall, that pretty much explains why we should be just a tad worried if Perry even makes it through the first round toward becoming our next president. The only thing he’s got going on upstairs is a nice head of hair.