Stinger’s End, NJ – GlossyNews.comFederal authorities have netted over 300 bee keepers in a carefully crafted sting operation that was hatched nationwide in the past three-weeks. Yellow jacketed agents swarmed in and arrested several key people late last night in an operation that was honeycombed with illicit price fixing, illegal honey imports, and reports of product contamination. Local detention centers were a hive of activity as suspects were brought in for questioning, and we promise no more weak-kneed bee puns after this point*.
For months undercover operatives had witnessed a sticky-fingered attempt to conceal true bee population numbers and were part of an organized colony of wholesale price manipulation. Attempts to conceal true hive numbers resulted in many harvesters reporting active ‘as expired.’ Many reports claimed the disappearance as due to mysterious circumstances. This was all an attempt to manipulate pricing and in turn to sting the paying consumer in search of a natural product.
“We feel these guys have been, well, as busy as a bee in trying to wax the actual hive numbers,” claims special agent Beatrice Apiary.
Bees, crucial to cross pollination of crops, have been reported as declining in past years and the shortage has added to crop costs across the US. Long lines at USDA inspection points have also added to the frustrations.
Agriculture Department Investigative Services spokesperson, Lt. Honey Komb, had this to say to reporters when questioned about long lines at natural food retailers in wake of the crackdown.
“It is in our best interest to keep a close watch on our bees and our queues to better serve the consumers needs!”
Natural food store owner, Mary Applebee summed it up in a few well chosen words… “This really bites.”
Veteran beekeeper Neville Net was chagrined at being charged as an accessory to the crime of price manipulation, “I’ve been framed and nothing is going to change that! I wish these people would just mind their own beeswax and let us do our job instead of blowing smoke up our butts.”
* We may have overstated our claim to minimize bee puns, but it’s nothing compared to the sting of corruption reported, which veritably drips like honey from the hive of iniquity that is the illegal honey trade… honey.