NRA: Recent Home Shooting Proves we Should Arm All Homes

Our nation was rocked this week when it was discovered that three minors and two adults were murdered in a spree shooting in New Mexico, prompting the NRA to declare that all homes should have an armed guard.

Bernalillo County Sherrif’s deputy’s were horrified at the scene, but NRA spokesman Wayne LaPierre was quick to quip, “If this home had been armed, maybe things would have ended a little differently.”

The victims — a man, a woman, a boy and two girls — had been shot multiple times. But LaPierre was quick to point out that, “if they had all been armed, maybe some would have been shot less, while others many more times, which in the end is a win-win for everyone.”

“I’m not sure what he’s talking about, that sounds crazy,” said Bill Brown, a private gun dealer in Las Cruces, New Mexico. “No, putting guns in every house would just mean we’d have an explosion of gun deaths. Nobody wants that.”

Neighborhood Watch president Stephan Richars said, “Seriously? More guns? That’s just dumb. Why the hell would we want more guns, especially after something like this happens?”

While legislation is still being drawn to mandate guns in all homes, many are not waiting for that second shoe to drop.

“I don’t know what you mean about shoes,” said Tami Jackson, a neighborhood resident of Queens, New York, where this story has no bearing, though we did have a reporter handy. “But I’ve seen a lot of guns and shootings and it’s time to do something different.”

And if there’s one thing we can take from what Ms. Jackson said, it’s “a lot of guns.”

Less on this story as it develops.


3 comments on “NRA: Recent Home Shooting Proves we Should Arm All Homes

  1. I heard a suggestion today that we could eliminate mass shootings by… wait for it… removing the Gun Free Zone signs. Yes, that would solve everything. Never mind that those signs have only existed for a few years, and that there were mass shootings before the signs existed. That's not a cure. Hell, that's not even a band aid.

  2. That’s not enough. We should arm all arms, so if a gun is stolen, it can shoot the aisalaint right there on the spot. Then we’ll need guns for the guns guns, but I’m sure the scientists are working on that.

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