Gallows Humor Flash Fiction: The Well-Meaning Good Burgher of Cologne

Last night my foster son came back and shat all over my carpet, raped my daughter, and set the house on fire.
My wife was angry and told me to give him a hiding.
“We welcomed this ungrateful prick into our house, and look what he’s done!”
So I did what any good father would do:
I whacked my wife several times with the iron and then sat down and cried. Then I went and apologized to my son for provoking him.
“I promise to be less intolerant and hateful towards you in the end. After all, diversity of manners is our greatest strength.”
For some reason, this only made him angrier.
He held a knife against my throat.
And with every sob of contrition I gave him, he only sawed my neck ever harder and harder, until every last mediocre drop of my life’s blood had tearfully gushed forth…
To gush no longer!


Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!