Fashion’s New Passion: Flag Apparel

Considered the retail clothier’s equivalent of a Bilderberg conference, the Miami Youth Casual Apparel show has long drawn attention without producing fashion headlines. A party atmosphere combines with paparazzi, cutting edge designers and models that appear to have never seen a cheeseburger. Everyone says it’s fun to be at the MYCA. But beyond gossip columns, little real news is generated.

All that changed this week, with announcement of a bold new direction for teens and twenty-somethings. Urban Outfitter phenom Bryce St. Albans (original name Reed Davis) perhaps best summed up the general mood on the radical move. “Yeah, I know I’m not supposed to smoke in here, OK? I’m a 27 year old High School dropout with a Malibu beach house and two Porsches, all right? I don’t obey signs; I AM the sign! Spending $365 to look like a thrift store reject is gone like Romney’s dog man! From now on it’s flag couture, and the more offensive the better.”

While Milan, New York, and Paris are centers for haute couture, the youth market seems without a definable center, much like Star Trek’s Borg. An anarchic sub-culture undergirds an apparel juggernaut estimated in the tens of billions, dwarfing the sales of name designers who are called ‘constipated dinosaurs’ by the eclectic group of misfits who steer the clothing tastes of millions. Among these designers with multiple body piercings and Thomas Kinkaide tattoos, there appears to be consensus about only one thing: Flags are the hot rags for 2012 and beyond.

According to sources, it began when a young woman wore a Rebel flag themed dress to her senior prom. Abercrombie & Fitch’s Jen O’Cider (original name Heather West-Eastman) is given credit for identifying the innate genius in the homemade dress. “Yeah, I mean what IS youth, if it’s not about offending people? Don’t think yourself a part of a larger community with a responsibility to consider their feelings. That’s stupid! Nobody’s going to pay $385 to look responsible. This hillbilly chick in Arkasippi or wherever, she showed us the way. It’s flag clothes, and we’re pissing everybody off.”

Plans are underway for an entire clothing line featuring Nazi, KKK, and Nation of Islam flags. Handbags and casual shoes will continue the theme with phrases like “Kill a cracker for Trayvon” and “Hitler was right.”

While most agree the new trend will lead to violence at the very least, insiders say Bryce St. Albans is shopping for a Ferrari.

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