BIRMINGHAM, United Kingdom (GlossyNews) — By all accounts Treavor Slaughter should be an a ladies man with girls rushing up to him every moment as he enters his first year in the university….But things are different today in the UK. Treavor has decided to enroll in the new George Michael’s School of Advanced Faggotry.
Today, this is not an isolated incident, and Treavor is not alone. In fact, the Labour Party enlisted the help of a renowned third-party research think-tank to examine the current state of male sexuality in the UK. The finds were startling and sobering….A full 90% of British males are gay or profess a desire to be gay in the near future! The other 10% live in Scotland!
Enrollment is up in more than one hundred gay certified institutions by more than 250%. Reports of successful transgender operations has increased by 1500% in London alone! Even shoe manufacturers have reported a major upswing in the sales of women’s shoes in size 12 to 13!
The report cites many reasons…The moral effect of media and entertainment figures that not only flaunt their homosexual agenda, but encourage others to do the same has been blamed as probable source for the interest by seeming straight men and women. Even soccer has lost its he-man appeal as younger men have taken to watching the ballet on weekends, and taking sword-swallowing lessons!
The report also cites the increased allure of Western culture, typically American centered, that has captured the hearts and minds of any remaining non-homosexual women in the UK. This is supported by the fact that American males have been voted the Guys Most Likely To Make Me Hot for twenty straight years by the widely read UK GIRL Magazine.
PM David Cameron also has entered the discussion by revealing that he too is considering ‘going gay’ in an effort to resolve splits in his Labour Party, and to make it easier to get a date on Saturday nights.
Even his Royal Highness Prince Charles has made some lifestyle changes in the past year, by adding daily make-up sessions to his routine, and by scandalously hiking his kilt a full three inches! Charles publically vowed to dance merrily at some of London’s hottest and gayest hotspots on a regular basis as well. Recently, the Prince had this to say about being a part of the gay-trend….”It’s not just for commoners anymore! The heck with being King….I can settle for Queen.”
In the US, Homeland Security issued a memo to all agents that addressed the situation in Britain and has advised all agents to be on the look out for anything that looks suspicious at border entry points and in major metropolitan airports.
In Washington, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) issued a gay plague warning and asked several pharmaceutical manufacturers to speed up distribution plans for an anti-gay vaccine.