Bella, former Taco Bell spokes-chihuahua has produced a litter of anchor pups under the Newsome family’s front porch. Mr. Newsome is beside himself and wants to kill the damn thing and its entire family. “We don’t have the money to pay for all these dogs!” he shouted as reporter Tyson Bam stepped out of the Glossy News Action Van.
“Who’s going to take care of them? We can’t afford to fix the damn things and soon we’ll be overrun by yappy pups who don’t even bark English!” He added, “and the fact that we didn’t have permits for this porch don’t mean nothing!”
Gidget, the most famous of the Taco Bell chihuahuas, died in 2009. Bella is the name assumed by replacement actress Taco once she left Hollywood for a simpler life.
“Daddy, calm down“, said Newsome’s tweenaged daughter, Candy. “They are just trying to live like everyone else. No one else wants to live under that porch, so just let them stay there until they can get around on their own.” “Look, Candy,” replied Newsome. “You don’t understand. Once you let one have pups, the next thing you know they start multiplyin’ like immigrants.
“Then all we’ll do is work to support their families. Dangit, I can’t afford to have six babies, and here we are rolling out the red carpet for Bella.” “Daddy,” said Candy in calm voice, “Under the front porch in August is hardly the red carpet treatment.”
Suddenly there was a noise coming from the kitchen. On closer inspection, Newsome and Glossy News found a bug eyed male canine, that could have been Bella’s husband, by the toppled trash can licking up Corona with lime.
Startled by our presence, the dog jumped off the stove and ran out the back door, Corona in tow. “Goddammit!” shouted Newsome, while Candy shrieked at the top of her lungs. Newsome then sat down and put his head in his hands. “I haven’t worked in a year. This kind of shit is killing me.”
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. It was a city official fining Mr. Newsome because there were too many dogs around his house. The $250 dollar fine was going to support the building of a no-kill shelter for stray dogs expected to open in 5 years. If it isn’t paid in 90 days, a warrant will be issued for Newsome’s arrest.