Laying Off Researchers a Bad Idea, Confirm Researchers

WASHINGTON—Amid news that federal budget cuts are set to cause a number of additional layoffs in the fields of research and science, several reports surfaced asserting that such cuts are “really not a good idea” and to “not do that.”

After it was made known that many researchers will lose their jobs at institutions such as Arkansas State University and the University of Chicago, a torrent of studies began to appear as evidence that this is, in fact, a poor decision that should be reconsidered.

RIGHT: Pictured: Researchers. Photo by RDECOM via Flickr. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

It appears that, according to sound scientific research, an overwhelming amount of data confirms that research budgets are best left alone.

“It’s all right here,” said ASU researcher Isaac Hansley. “These numbers are solid.”

Hansley then pointed out several charts and graphs that supported his claim.

“See?” said Hansley as he directed reporters’ attention to a nearby pie chart. “This big red section represents the fact that budget cuts leading to slashed research spending and loss of jobs in this area is… you know, bad.”

After a brief pause, Hansley added, “Come on.”

Author: Rusty Shackleford

Rusty Shackleford is a comedy writer typing away from a bunker in an undisclosed location.