JAKARTA Indonesia (GlossyNews) — At the insistence of Muslim holy leaders in the Saudi Arabian city of Mecca, an incredibly accurate new GPS tracking system will be installed to thwart anti-Islamic hackers who have recently been caught attempting to alter GPS signals to divert prayers meant to be recited directly towards Mecca.
It was accidentally learned by Indonesia’s Muslims on Friday they have been praying, may Allah be praised, peace be upon him, in the wrong direction by as much as .02 seconds of longitudinal arc. Computer security experts thanked the fact that Christian Fundamentalists are famously bad with computers for the hackers’ lack of success.
It came to light that the country’s highest Islamic authority said its recent March edict on the direction of prayers for Mecca actually had many people facing Africa, though this was due to a typographical error, not the briefly run and unsuccessful hacking attempt. Another misguided directional edict was based on a newly discovered, ancient, unsigned map that depicted Mecca as being to the west and in a quite magnified size. It took up the space traditionally reserved for charting Africa and part of India on more modern maps.
Many Muslmims found it surprising when they came to pray that the entire interior of the building had been shifted by as much as 70-degrees, but many Imam’s blamed the mistake on shoddy janitorial work.
The new device is expected to combine the signals of GPS, the European Union’s Galileo, China’s Beidou and COMPASS, Russia’s GLONASS, and India’s IRNSS, or be a magnetic compass.
In a related story, an Indonesian upstart has suddenly registered to sell and install Combined-GPS responders preset to the location of Mecca for individual prayer rugs. Agil Siradj has filed a blank patent application and announced plans to offer exclusive dealership rights around the globe.
Said Agil Siradj, “I want to help my fellow Muslims in sending out their prayers every day of their life with my GPS equipment. No one should have to worry that they are pointed in the wrong direction away from Allah. And it doesn’t require constant electric power or batteries.”
Siradj wouldn’t comment for this report as to the installed price for his responder. “Allah be praised,” said Siradj, adding “The price will not matter once the blessings to Allah are sent in the correct direction.” Similar devices for automobile and personal use range from $69US to more than $500US, a fact that made Siradj almost manic.
The head of the Mecca Direction Ministry in Jakarta, Ridwan Cholil, said that “Muslims need not fear that their prayers are wasted. Allah hears everyone, no matter what direction they are facing.” Cholil continued, “We aren’t planning to knock down any mosques here. We will just instruct the prayerful to nudge their rugs slightly more northwest than they were used to doing.”
When asked about the new GPS responders being planned for sale, he smiled and quietly said, “That Siradj guy has been on our case for years about his idea of GPS for prayer rugs. We don’t really see the need here. But he has used our one small mistake to convince the powers that be to install the device in Mecca. He’s very tenacious. And he will become very rich.” Cholil quietly added, “and praise be to Allah.”