Newsweek Purchased by Finnish Tourism Dept for $1

Finland, that land of perpetual daytime, when it isn’t night 24 hours a day — known for snow, reindeer, hot tubs, saunas and, I guess, other things, was in the news this last week.

In a story that barely made the news this month we found out that Newsweek was sold to an investor for the suspicious sum of $1. What has been more thoroughly covered was the Newsweek report that Finland is the #1 country in the world. It seems the mystery is solved, as the transaction was brokered by the Finnish Tourism Council.

Sidney Harman may be the lowly tycoon husband of Jane Harman, the congresswoman from California’s 36th congressional district, but he’s also a known fan of Finland, with deep Finnish roots.

“It’s no surprise that a week after he buys [Newsweek] they come out with a story about how Finland is somehow the best in the world. He’s always loved arctic Atlantic fishing and tall, blonde people with loads of education,” said Margaret Atwater-Holmes, a housewife in London who home schools her children. “He’s always fantasized about being a Viking himself, you know.”

“I don’t know much about Europe,” explained Tom Reizkavki of Arden, Delaware, “But I know him and his wife have a house in Venice, and that’s as pro-European a slant as you can get.”

The Finnish Government has so far declined to comment on the story, though some have suggested it may be due in part to the fact that we only call them during Pacific Daylight hours, and we don’t have resources to check out voice mail. The silence in light of these accusations is deafening.

A source told Glossy News on the condition of anonymity, due to fear of reprisal and not because he doesn’t actually exist, that in coming months subscribers of the once-respected weekly rag of news can expect a virtual flood of pro-Nordic stories, as well as a literal trickle of pro-anything advertisements.

More on this story as it develops.

Share

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *