Newlyweds Disappointed by “Oral Expectation” Gap

Sarah and Ted Jgorksen of Providence, Rhode Island dated for almost two years before tying the knot last Sunday in a small traditional wedding held in the Elmhurst neighborhood. While Ted assumed the $5,200 diamond solitaire would ensure a lifetime of hassle-free oral, his bride Sarah assumed she’d never again have to provide it.

“This isn’t an understanding gap, it’s more like a chasm,” said Ted, while his new bride ranted in the background, “Oh you’d like a chasm, wouldn’t you? Like that whore Kayla [you used to date in college, who offered such encounters with impunity, delight, and testicle clutching vigor].”

Author: Brian White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

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