A Smegmadale driver spent two nights in jail after being accused of the latest numpty-dumpty politically-incorrect crime of “revving his car in a racist manner”.
Big Issue salesperson Vinnie Scrunt, 95, and a local BNP councillor, yesterday described his court ordeal which finally ended when crown prosecutor Mustapha al Jaffacake, dropped the allegation of racism.
However Scrunt was still convicted of a breach of the carbon exchange laws by Judge Mohammed bin Mohammad for revving the engine of his £25,000 Lotus.
Apparently Scrunt, who had been experiencing engine problems with the Lotus, was driving across a local Happy Halal supermarket car park when the vehicle’s oil light came on, so he pulled over and revved the engine in an attempt to make the offending warning light go out.
Scrunt further elaborated for court reporters “There I am, revvin’ the bollocks outa the motor ter get the effin’ oil light ter go out an’ this effin’ raghead comes up with ‘is bird, an’ she’s all done up in one of them stupid burqah things that cover ‘em from ‘ead ter effin’ foot.”
“Anyway this twat starts bangin’ on me winder and yellin’ that I’m a Muslim-hatin’ rascist cos I’m revvin’ me engine up just ter insult ‘im an’ ‘is poxy slapper of a missus.”
“So, I tells ‘im ter eff’ off, then ‘e goes an’ gets a pair of walkin’ dildo darkie security guards an’ I tells them ter eff’ off as well.”
“Next thing the plods show up – an’ by this time I’ve ‘ad it up ter the effin’ gills wiv this bullshit an’ me faulty oil light so I tells them ter go an’ eff’ off as well.”
“That’s about the time I got tasered and thrown in ter the back of the plod truck.”
Giving evidence in court police Inspector Fizzy al Kaseltzer told the all- immigrant jury “Mr. Scrunt was revving up the big carbon unfriendly V8 engine of his car in a most disgusting way that was obviously racially motivated and intended to intimidate Mr. bin Nastgit and his number three wife Fattyma.”
Mr. Muammar bin Nastygit, an Afghan refugee immigrant, recently arrived in the country after a US Predator drone levelled his Helmand Province village in a rocket attack, is now the owner of the local 24/7 ‘Oasis’ stop-n-rob convenience store.
Not speaking any English apart from the phrase ‘welfare benefits’, Mr al Nastygit gave evidence through a court interpreter, informing reporters from the Paranoia Gazette and the Manky Mosque Review “This infidel pig revved up his car engine very loud as we were walking past and he looked at me with hate in his eyes – and then stared at my wife with lacivious lust – his heathen rapist gaze cutting through her coverings of modesty.”
Mr. Scrunt’s defence lawyer, Jack McScally, a BNP legal advisor, opined to court reporters “By all that is holy, what the fuck next, I ask you? Revving a car engine is now a racist hate crime!”
“Why do these Muslim immigrant types continue to suffer such abuses in our ancient Sceptered Isle? Why do they simply not go back to the Third World religiously-intolerant shitholes they crawled out of?”
“So what comes next on the Islamophobic crimes list? Racist bowler hats? Discriminatory fish and chips? Politically-incorrect bacon sandwiches? A ban on pig farming?”