Dallas, TX – (SatireWorld.com)
The amazing E-Z Home Waterboarding Kit has broken all sales records as parents across the US snapped up a kit for their personal use at home.
Children and teens everywhere are now easily spilling the beans about where they’ve been and who they’ve been with, as the easy-to-use waterboard is put to daily use in millions of US homes.
PHOTO INSERT: Twins Russel (l) and Andy (r) Bratstead, age 14, thought they could lie themselves out of a situation concerning a neighbor’s cat, some gasoline, and a dozen firecrackers. But, in under 10 minutes of the E-Z Water Boarding procedure Russel was singing like a bird. Unfortunetely, Andy succumbed to drowning before confessing.
Little Danny Klump, age 15, tells of how he confessed to wanking off every afternoon onto his teacher’s new Buick parked in the school parking lot. “Look, I had to tell, I mean, It was so much water I couldn’t catch my breath!”
Amy Lostrum, age 16, had a similar tale, “I confessed after about half an hour. I’ll never doctor my report card again! Ever!”
School administrators have noticed a sharp decrease in sass-back talk and bullying from students of all ages. Even tardiness has become a thing of the past claims Edison School District Administrator Barry Whippet.
The kit, sold on a popular auction website, is priced at $15.00 and has a complete set of instructions including a booklet of popular questions that the user can ask. So far, there has been over two million kits sold and orders are still flooding in.
The E-Z Waterboarding Kit was invented by Delbert C. Wasserman in 1976 after finding a used bong, a bag of pot, and rolling papers under his 17 year old son’s bed. His son, Delbet jr, emphatically denied it was his, claiming the stash of paraphenalia on ‘the tooth fairy’s carelessness’ from the night before. Mr. Wasserman’s use of a water hose and an ironing board brought quick results in his search for truth from his son and later sold the concept to another Texas investor.