Categorized | Crime, Video News

Druggies Open Petting Zoo, Bites Quickly Follow (Video)

Druggies Open Petting Zoo, Bites Quickly Follow (Video)

Argleton — Rocky & Spyder Krakauer were indicted last year for selling stolen cars, but they’re back with what can only be called the world’s worst petting zoo.

Featuring such pet-able critters as raccoons, rats, alley cats, and even jelly fish.

The commercial doesn’t even feature any shots of the actual animals, but still photos, and even those are quite frankly terrifying.

Calls to both of their cell phones were unsuccessful, as one came back disconnected and the other repeatedly went to voice mail, which was full.

Neighbor Margaret Atwater of apartment K-03, who requested we just refer to her as “Joan”, told Glossy News that “these guys have tons of illegal animals in there, it smells like a damn swamp, and they used a video of me in the commercial without my permission.”

Atwater added, “Seriously, if you use my real name, I’ll find you and I’ll murder you.”

Argleton police chief Barry Gibb told us they are “looking into it” but that without any formal complaints, their hands are tied, adding, “We are not currently accepting formal complaints.”

Watch their actual commercial


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Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.


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