Arkansas Mum Has 19th Nervous Breakdown

Bobbie-Joe Muffitch from Twattown, Arkansas, is expecting her 19th new arrival in March next year.

The 42-year-old mum and her husband Billy Bob, who run a commercial adoption agency and baby formula franchise, are the stars of their own reality TV show “Billy Bob n Bobbie-Joe Don’t Know Shit About Contraception”.

Mrs Muffitch suspected she could be pregnant after her youngest daughter Billie Jean exclaimed “Gee Mommy you’re getting fat – has Daddy stuck you up the duff again?”

The veteran mum knew from past experience this was a sign she could be expecting once more so she took a pregnancy test and promptly went into a screaming fit on finding it was positive – and had to be restrained by two Sheriff’s deputies from actually castrating her hubby Billy-Bob.

Bobbie-Joe told Fux News “I was jest jumpin’ up and down an’ pullin’ my hair out cos I thought my baby days were over – and that stupid twat Billy Bob’s gone n gotten me preggers again – for the 19th time.”

“Really, with this here recession on us right now it jest ain’t profitable havin’ all these kids anymore cos no sod wants to buy ‘em off yer.”

Bobbie-Joe, a devout Catholic, confided she was still a virgin when she married Billy Bob at a Maidenhead church 20 years ago – and has been permanently pregnant ever since.

“We follow the good Catholic credo of “No copulation without insemination” – so every time old Billy-Bob gets horny and slips me one then I’m up the tub again.”

“We might be getting’ a few hundred dollars a week in child benefit payments but it aint worth all the hassle anymore – my pussy’s darn near worn out.”

“I reckon after this next one is born then Billy Bob’s gonna have to start bonkin’ me up the ass – jest to be on the safe side of things.”

Along with Billy Willy and Bobby-Bob, the brood includes: twins Brucella and Billiemena, 18, Bill-Bob Jnr, 17, Bob Joe, 16, Brad-Bob, 15, Bob-Brad, 14, Buford-Bob, 13, Bobbie-Beth, 11, twins Bub-Bob and Bud-Bob, 10, Bison-Bob, 9, Barny-Bill-Bob, 8, Baskin Bobbin, 6, Barbie-Bob, 5, Bobbie Sue, 3, and Billie Jean, 2.

And just guess what’s playing in repeat mode on Bobbie-Joe’s i-Pod right now ? -the classic Rolling Stones track – 19th Nervous Breakdown.

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via TheSatireStall.Blogspot.com

1 thought on “Arkansas Mum Has 19th Nervous Breakdown

  1. Well, I have two male relatives who have nine kids. One of them presides over a family just like Tiny Tim’s: loving, considerate, all that good stuff. It is a happy household–a busy one, but happy.

    The other person’s wife is in therapy, the police are at the house every other week to beak up fights between adolescent males, and her husband has faked his own death at least once.

    You never can tell.

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