NASHVILLE, Tennessee (GlossyNews) — In 2008 Nickelback had higher favorability ratings than Bush. Obama was more liberal, loved, and idealistic than famed hippy douchebag John Lennon. Ted Kennedy, best remembered for choosing his political career over a woman’s life, was still alive. John “Pork Barrell” Murtha was still passing out political favors like a candy dealing pervert in an Astro Van.
Arlen “Fair Weather” Specter was catching a cool democratic breeze. A new generation of hipsters and aspiring socialists were motivated, active, ignorant. They still are ignorant but more docile, focusing most of their time on crying to emo and wailing poorly on their cheap imitation Stratocasters. Banks were still only “too big to fail.” Thousands of cars that out of work, financially strapped people could have driven hadn’t been destroyed at tax payer expense. The measure of jobs saved hadn’t been made up yet. The stimulus hadn’t become as flacid as Larry King.
Helen Thomas was an anti-semitic, hateful old bag in the White House Press Corps instead of just an anti-semitic, hateful, old bag. The future was bright for the Democrats. When Obama was elected it, “was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal.”
Since the “planet began to heal,” the American people have gotten pretty fired up. The midterm election has generated intensity similar to 2006 and 2008 when Democrats swept Bush and friends out of power. Word on the street is that there is an anti-incumbent rage. Fox News talking heads claim this doesn’t bode well for the Democrats. There is increasing speculation whether the Democrats will lose the House, Senate, or both. A super smart liberal pundit who asked to remain anonymous had this to say. “People are angry. They don’t like the way the country is going. Bush. They are mad at the government. Bush. An overwhelming minority support Democrats. Bush, Bush. The people..Bush..know we know what is..Bush..best for them.
They want change and that means getting rid..Bush..of the incumbents but that doesn’t mean Democrats.” When asked to clarify how voting out incumbents wouldn’t hurt the party hosting the majority of incumbents our liberal pundit had this to say. “Bush Bush, Bush Bush Bush, Cheney, Palin, Sex and the City, Bush.”
Brand Obama has been roughed up in the past year and a half finding itself at odds with the American people who gave them a “mandate,” apparently to do the exact opposite of what the American people want. Most of Obama’s first year was spent idly watching the American people take down health care like an enemy of Vlad the Impaler. The country cried jobs, jobs, jobs while the administration threw the word “jobs” into the title of various legislation they didn’t read and that had little to do with jobs.
Talks of reducing the Bush deficit came to a screeching halt as the administration has already spent more than its predecessor did in eight years. The oil spill has caused quite a backlash but the president has been well insulated by giant hate buffer Tony Hayward who’s supporters are scarcer than facts in a Michael Moore film. We can’t know how the midterms will turn out but Obama is fast approaching the dreaded Nickelback zone. Once you go Nickelback, you never go back.
