Satan is a great composer.
His sin-phonies are epic.
Especially his Trumplandia in B Flat Minor.
Millions of teenagers
are now having a premature
senior moment —
their gradu-wait-ion ceremony.
An apt quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes:
“We have a special mask we wear for each friend.”
How long will it be before that’s the basis
for an online business?
Legally, what happens when you break a stay-at-home order?
The police show up with a search quarant.
The virus spreads through the air,
especially through speech.
So as part of the effort to go back to “normal”
we should all learn sign language
and take lessons from mimes.
the Tool of Law —
using the law as a weapon
against their enemies.
the nation’s pisstime.
News flash —
Cyanide prevents coronavirus.
If you’re dead, you can’t get infected.
Somebody please tell Trump and Pence.
In recognition of Trump’s
McDonald’s should rename
the Big Mac
the Big Quack.
Trump just won
for his convincing Off-Broadway performance
as a morbidly obese zombie.
Trump must be a mammal.
He totally sucks.
Like the eagle,
Trump deserves respect,
as the national bird brain.
Everything we need to know
we learned in nursery rhyme school.
His name is Trumpelstiltskin.
“My God! This is a nightmare!”
“No. It’s a nightstallion. That’s far worst.”
“Then geld him. Quick!”
William Barr is in charge of
the Department of Just-is-fication,
defending what just is
and turning justice into fiction,
a novel idea.
Trump just lost lots of supporters
who are passionately against contraception.
They heard he supports the use rubber bullets.
I believe Trump will be gone before November.
A friend of mine laments that Pence would be worse.
I told him,
And in times like these we need lots of corrige.”
What does Pence think?
Does Pence think?
In times of crisis, his voice is like the sound of a tree falling in a forest when there is no one around to hear it.
Trump depends on his base.
He caters to his base.
He is totally base,
the lowest of the low.
Trump believes in freedom.
Freedom from knowledge.
Freedom from morals.
He loves being both free and dumb.
“I’m glad you are wearing a mask,
but why only one glove?”
Like the government,
my left hand doesn’t know
what my right hand is doing.
I’m sure Trump had the needs of the people in mind
when he built a new Wailing Wall
around the White House
where citizens can leave
prayers for the salvation of the nation.
Due to the plague, 1593-1594 London theaters and large gatherings had to shut down (except church services.)
They also killed off cats and dogs, not realizing that rats spread the disease.
Rats are the problem today, too —
the infestation of rats in the White House.
Transformational thinking —
becomes pay per ballot
a new tax.
I wouldn’t put it past him.
Plausible rumor ripe for spreading —
Trump wants to rename the White House,
the White Man’s House.
Trump has lost all credibility even with his own base.
He went into the bunker and then came out of it.
He’s totally debunked.
Trump is a professional poll dancer.
But soon he will be stripped of his power.
How many polls does it take to change a president?
are part of his
There is no need for Tulsa attendees
to sign waivers asserting that they will not hold
the Trump campaign responsible
for anyone catching the virus at the rally.
By precedent, Trump has established that
he is totally irresponsible.
White lies matter.
I’m imagining a cartoon with Trump putting a lighter to the Constitution and saying, “You’re fired!”
Fake news —
Trump blames TV networks for
the spread of cornonavirus,
because they’re common carriers.
The favorite drink of the healthconscious —
Do Catholics wear massks?
Coronavirus is airborne and goes much farther than six feet when you talk or sing or cough or when the wind blows.
I suspect that insects are the only creatures for whom six feet is enough.
After Trump’s finances and resignation
the best news will be the ex-pence report.
Trump is certainly well informed about the greatest threat this country faces,
since he himself is that threat.
Classes offered in
how to be a curmudgeon
how to become such an ornery bastard
that no one will want to be near you.
The surest, safest way to social distance.
Trump probably made up that statistic on the fly,
inspired by the muse medicine —
Long ago, he took the Hypocritical Oath.
Given Trump’s words and actions
and their consequences,
I wouldn’t be surprised
if he is collecting a bounty
for every American who dies of the pandemic,
with a bonus for school kids.