Study: Web Spamming Causes HerpatitAIDS

If you are reading this, it’s almost certianly because you are a spammer, or rather, a would-be spammer, since the block is what led you to this page. Congratulations, your herpes now has AIDS in addition to hepatitis.

Spammer Jason Blargfarious emailed administrators from his fresh hotmail account to say, “Hey, I’m not a Spammer! Why have I been directed here?” adding, “You can have a COK LIKE A CLUB using this one simple trick! Doctors hate me!”

The Spammer was reminded that it isn’t merely doctors who hate him, but literally everyone, since it’s his profession to destroy the inherent value of the internet.

“But AIDS isn’t funny!” you protest in vain. Well, no, it isn’t, but it’s so satisfying when a Spammer gets so deathly, miserably sick, on account of him being such a worthless sack of quasi-human crap, properly known as Infectus Spammazoa.

If you’re not a Spammer, and you reached this page, you can use the contact form to reach us and find out how you got here. We employ three different Spam filters layered atop one another, so it can have a false-positive once in a while.

In the mean time, what it gets, is thousands and thousands of genuine positive hits every day. The system literally stops hundreds every fifteen minutes or so. Attempted logins with bogus credentials, Spam comments, Spammers trying to sign up for accounts. It’s really pretty ridiculous.

If you’re a Spammer, add us to your blacklist. Go Spam someone else instead where the pickings are easier.

Oh, and enjoy your slow death and welcome the karma storm that awaits you when you try to enjoy your offline life, you worthless excuse for a human being.

Author: Brian K. White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

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