Dalai Lama Sues the Ass off Archbishop of Canterbury

The Dalai Lama may be a man of few possessions, but he’s hoping to get the better of Anglican Archbishop Justin Welby in a very material manner…

While also sticking up for the faithful.

At least, the right kind of faithful, anyway.

Attending an interfaith discussion, H.H. was horrified to hear the leader of the Church of England speaking of the Anglican (and in the USA, Episcopalian) faith as a “Middle Way.”

Uh-oh! These words have left the world’s most fashionable man of the cloth spitting blood:

H. H. pronounces, um, declares:

I know you Orientalizing Westerners stereotype us Buddhists as being peaceful, but I was this close to punching this ignorant and unenlightened buffoon.

I mean, the “Middle Way,” Madhyamika, is a Sanskrit term. So it belongs to Tibetans, to Buddhists. It’s obviously not a Christian term. Sheer appropriation!

Yes… how dare this demonic figure attempt to co-opt the true Buddhist Dharma and water it down with foreign elements. He will turn the world off the path of Enlightenment and defer salvation for all beings, possibly for all eternity!

Indeed… such adulteration is the spiritual equivalent of including columns on cheesy boy bands and unbearable rave music in Rolling Stone, or turning classic, canonical Twilight fan fictions into sleazy erotic novels!

Hence, I must sue this man for copyright infringement, to defend the honor of the Three Jewels.

However, Canon Welby was less than Loyola-esque about the Dalai Lama’s perceptible lack of a traditional latitudinarian spirit of Anglican compromise:

I appreciate that the Dalai Lama is upset at my words, but they are part of our tradition, too.

So I do sincerely hope that we can come to some arrangement with the Dalai Lama, without any harsh measures being directed against us.

We must keep all channels of communication open…

Well, within reason, of course!

Self-styled Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi was unimpressed.

There is but little to choose between these two decadent, hellbound kafrs.

Earlier version first published at:

http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/123805/dalai-lama-sues-canon-welby-middle-way-not-anglican-property

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.