“Trump filed the suit against Palm Beach County last week, claiming his history of conflict with Palm Beach International Airport has led officials to spitefully redirect air traffic over his historic Mar-a-Lago estate in south Florida.”
– USA Today – January 13, 2015
“Once again, Donald Trump claims he’s flirting with a run for the White House.”
– CNN – December 16, 2014
It’s never a dull moment with The Donald as evidenced by these anonymously leaked excerpts from his weekly diary:
Monday
This means war. If those jokers at the airport think they can get away with disturbing my peace and quiet, they’ve got another thing coming. And that other thing is antiaircraft fire. I directed my two manservants Juan and Julio to secure the blockhouse towers next to the eighteenth hole of my golf course and to take no prisoners. For now, they’ll just be launching warning flares but if things don’t change soon, the order will come down for live fire.
Tuesday
Flew to New York City to chair the monthly meeting of the Trump Naming Committee. Seems some committee members are stumped and insist that we’ve run out of names for new hotels and casinos. That’s why I’m the boss and had to be there. Trump Palazzo, La Tour Trump, Trumpalicious. Seems like a no-brainer to me. I guess that’s why I’m paid the big bucks.
Wednesday
It’s hump day and that means it’s time for my weekly hair maintenance. Some hair will be trimmed, other hair will be washed and blow dried and some will be sent out for refurbishment. Checked with my hairstyling team to see if my monthly supply of industrial strength hairspray is still on backorder. Two 55-gallon drums apparently in transit.
Thursday
Met with my 16-year-old presidential exploratory committee established in 1999 consisting of my wife, my two ex-wives and all of my kids. As usual, they are all urging me to leave and run for President. I might consider a run for the office but the powers seem pretty limited and The White House clearly needs a complete makeover. Hard to believe it has no casino, no marquee and no private airport.
Friday
Filmed the next episode of The Apprentice without even leaving my Mar-a-Lago estate. All I had to do was teleconference it in. After all, no need to fly all the way to New York City again when all I’ve got to do is say “You’re fired.”
Saturday
OK, this is it. Tried to have a quiet round of golf this morning and half a dozen planes disrupted my game. Barely shot par thanks to all the distractions. Ordered Juan and Julio to break out the live ammunition. I wonder when I’m President how many cruise missiles I’ll have access to?
Sunday
On the seventh day, The Donald rests. Assuming I’m not awakened by excessive antiaircraft fire from the beach.