Perry/Santorum Article: Non-apology, Disclaimer, Invitation

Santorum “living a lie all these years?”

This quotation, straight from the consummately straight-talking lips of Santorum himself, has somehow angered a crapload of irritable and highly-strung socialists™ who (charitably calculated) have only half-read my article on Rick Perry receiving a well-deserved Papal award, and Rick Santorum being passed over.

Yup; some miscellaneous and contemptible heap of predictably-uninformed-and-careless, ubiqituously-raging-web-cruisers are already quoting the foregoing quotation out of context.

Well, this is possibly not entirely unrelated to the fact that they couldn’t bring themselves to read the whole article; nor, indeed, the “THIS IS SATIRE, DAMMIT!!!” disclaimer.

No, wait; this never actually happens on this website! Hmmm…

Still, Santorum was merely talking about being a Catholic. That’s the context. You people do understand context, right? Well, I hope… ok, I’m being pretty generous here.

Still, ignore the haters, Rick… and ignore the fact that all those clearly unprincipled (as always) non-supporters of yours don’t understand the difference between satire and “factual” journalism.

Yup, let it go. Just let it go. You know, there there’s a hell of a lot of issues to let go of and just not give a crap about in this life; and this is certainly one of them.

Although it’s certainly not the only one; there are plenty of others; even ones which occupy the minds of politicians motivated to ensure a fair and just society, but who are going about it in a pretty misguided and harmful manner… hint-hint.

Still, I mean, if the “fact/satire” distinction bothers them (roll over, Davie Hume!), they should read some objective and reliable output from one of the myriad objective, reliable (and by the way, purely factual) news outlets in the USA…

You know, like our painfully ubiquitous/achingly conspicuous Fox/MSNBC rivals and haters.
Anyway, whatever happens, I still love you, Rick.




Well, especially with that pretty-damn-hot-stuff sweater you’ve been wearing. If I hadn’t been feeling so unfortunately and uncongenially and inconveniently hetero recently, you’d be the number-one, full-size, high-grade-handsome poster on my bedroom wall.

Yup! My problem is, I’m struggling with “unwanted heterosexual feelings;” kind of the opposite of what you and partisans of the Aversionist Agenda™ call “unwanted homosexual feelings.”

Oh, it’s not an agenda? Man, I feel really bad for you; it must really suck ass to be told you and “your people” (whatever that means) are carrying out some vaguely defined, wicked, and conspiratorial agenda; when it’s actually NOT the case!

And besides, you know what? I can’t find anyone to cure me. You never thought about helping people with THIS kind of terrible problem, did you? Don’t I deserve to be cured of my horrible and tragic affliction, too? Am I condemned to feel this way forever, with no hope of normality?

I mean, you only care about gay people, or what? Whatever happened to compassionate conservatism, Rick?

Sheesh. Calm down, Rick. Don’t get edgy. You know, the sweater thing; it was supposed to be a compliment. You’re a handsome kinda guy. Well, yeah; even if, tragically, you can’t be on my agenda right now.

But the offer’s there. If anyone out there can cure me, you know who you gotta call. Some poor boy’s needin’ straight-busted. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Just think about it, Rick. Because, in the last analysis, all us mainstream, standard-issue straightniks are human too.

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!

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