Editors & Writers: What You Hear, & What They’re REALLY Saying!


What you hear:

Sorry, I only write if I’m getting paid.

What they’re REALLY saying:

Your outlet is utter bollocks, stop wasting my time!


OMG! I’m like, totes exploited! Pass the Quinoa, darling; OMG, but isn’t ethically sourced organic vegan latte totes amazeballs!

OK, I’m bored already of arrogant writers (probably because I am one myself, and this strikes rather too close to home). Let’s try something else instead!

Ah, editors!


You hear:

This could be a fairly decent piece, with a little more work.

What they’re REALLY saying:

What… the… HELL did I just read?!


Unless you’re Thomas Sowell.


What you hear

‘This is a little too contrarian for my liking.’

What they’re REALLY saying

WTF? Is this guy on crack or something??? Dude, you are ‘not’ edgy. You’re just an asshole!


What you hear


Have you ever considered putting yourself up on Fiverr?!

What they’re REALLY saying


Kill yourself.



NB: The final joke there might seem harsh on Fiverr. But I’m going to explain the joke later today! There is a lot of whingeing about Fiverr, and I’m going to argue that Fiverr is really not that bad, actually! After all, I have some gigs there myself…

Author: Wallace Runnymede

I've been writing satire for many years, and I've been published on many sites! Follow me on Twitter, and have a look at my books on Amazon! I've also had some poetry published by Sad Press recently: look out for 'Centrifugue!' I am also a founding member of the #AutisticDarkWeb: check the hashtag out on Twitter! Money's tight, so please consider dropping me $1 a month on Patreon (see link below). All my Patreon subscribers get certain benefits, including exclusive content, way in advance of anyone else!

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