WRITERS
What you hear:
Sorry, I only write if I’m getting paid.
What they’re REALLY saying:
Your outlet is utter bollocks, stop wasting my time!
OR:
OMG! I’m like, totes exploited! Pass the Quinoa, darling; OMG, but isn’t ethically sourced organic vegan latte totes amazeballs!
OK, I’m bored already of arrogant writers (probably because I am one myself, and this strikes rather too close to home). Let’s try something else instead!
…
Ah, editors!
EDITORS
You hear:
This could be a fairly decent piece, with a little more work.
What they’re REALLY saying:
What… the… HELL did I just read?!
NB:
What you hear
‘This is a little too contrarian for my liking.’
What they’re REALLY saying
WTF? Is this guy on crack or something??? Dude, you are ‘not’ edgy. You’re just an asshole!
What you hear
Hm.
Have you ever considered putting yourself up on Fiverr!
What they’re REALLY saying
Please.
Kill yourself.
NOW!
***
NB: The final joke there might seem harsh on Fiverr. But I’m going to explain the joke later today! There is a lot of whingeing about Fiverr, and I’m going to argue that Fiverr is really not that bad, actually! After all, I have some gigs there myself…