Shona Grammy and Super Bill Frieli from Weasel News broke down in tears yesterday when they realized that the people they had been dismissing for years as “Whiney, crybaby Reddit SJWs” were actually people just like them.Shona Grammy sobbed, “All this time, I thought these people were, you know, like Obamabots or something, who had been planted as fake personas to bring socialism, pro-womanism and non-underground hip-hop to America.
“But actually, when I invited a couple of these guys to the studio, it turned out they were actually human beings like anyone else. I mean, LITERALLY! Just plain ol’ vanilla-grindin’ super-average folks like the rest of us!”
Super Bill Frieli concurred, for the first time in his life.
“You know, when people quoted the saying that “Everybody desires peace and hates suffering,” I thought it was nonsense, because it’s not in the King James version.
“Nah, more like one of those pinko New-Agey Bible translations for fem-liberals who want to single-handedly bankrupt and impoverish America with all their eco-welfare and gay warming nonsense. But hell, I was wrong!”
This still didn’t satisfy some Weasel News viewers. Some said:
“You know, these guys are saying this now, because they’ve been caught with their pants down. But before long, they will be back at it.”
Shona Grammy responded:
“Nonsense, kid! Just look at what we’ve got planned for tomorrow evening! Then you’ll see!”
Well… I was, indeed, tempted to watch the far-Righteous-agitprop on “10 Reasons Why Gay Feminist Welfare Reggae Princelings are Destroying This Country,” or “Uncle Joe Castro Tried Free Health-Care, and We All Know Where that Ended Up!”
… But I decided I’d better cultivate my own empathy, and let the dead-at-heart bury their own dead-at-heart. Sorry about that.
Originally published on The Spoof.