English Language Learner Who Hasn’t Yet Studied the Present and Future Tenses is Literally Stuck in the Past

Tuesday 4:14 P.M.

DURYEA, PA – It’s been confirmed that Bogomil Vutov, a Bulgarian immigrant and Duryea resident, has not studied the present and future tenses in his English language book yet and is therefore literally stuck in the past.

This has been most frustrating for his long-term girlfriend, Ashley, who doesn’t speak Bulgarian and who is eager to plan for the future. “He always talks about what we did and I always have to say to him, ‘Yes, Bogomil, but what will we do? What are we doing right now?’ It’s nothing but dwelling on the good ole’ days – how he emigrated from Bulgaria, how he felt when he won the visa lottery, what he had for lunch, what he watched on TV last night.

Mr. Vutov also proved exceptionally ineffective at a self-help seminar titled “Letting Go of the Past,” at a mindfulness retreat focused on speaking and acting in the present moment, and at a workshop with a motivational speaker titled “Sharing Your Future.” 

Until his work at the currently understaffed Duryea Auto Parts slows down, it looks like Mr. Vutov will not have time to study the present and future tenses and will therefore remain stuck in the past.

Author: Matthew Casey

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