Vice President Joe Biden has reason to smile.
Not only did the Delawarean Dynamo just get sworn into a second term of office; now Washington news organizations are reporting that Biden has been tapped to serve jointly as head of a new cabinet-level agency: the Department of Intermoronical Affairs.
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney released a statement explaining that Biden’s new role is part of President Obama’s robust agenda for his second term, which includes outreach to bring all walks of political life together and move the country forward. The statement itself reads:
Up until today, morons everywhere have been broken and divided by a lack of leadership and vision above their humble population in this country. Now the cause of every moron will have a clear figurehead to represent them throughout the days ahead.
Although the vice president’s reaction was recorded on live T.V., only Fox News managed to produce a clarified version, which, in the interest of Michele Bachmann’s approval, was censored. What remains is a video of Biden flashing pearly white incisors while mouthing, “This is a big fudging deal.”
Since new members of the moron community are actively being sought by the federals, tests were given to all members of Congress, resulting in a positive outcome of over 90 percent. When John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi were tested, the moron rating machine broke down from intense pressure.
Other candidates for Biden’s new position who did not make the cut include Alex Jones and Nicki Minaj.
Oh, come on, you gotta love Uncle Joe with his vintage Firebird and all, right? Joe's the man of Detroit steel, even if he does prefer the train.