Houston, TX – GlossyNews.com – Scientists released information, along with a Top Secret report, about the discovery of human remains dressed in what appears to be a yellow house dress. The remains were spotted laying in the open on the surface of the Earth’s moon. The desiccated figure was discovered by the Hubble space telescope last March during a routine scan of the lunar surface.
First reports claimed the body was that of a middle-aged female. A routine inquiry with the Russian Federation’s space program chairman showed that their space program had all cosmonauts accounted for and the body wasn’t any of theirs.
The exact location is still secret but it is known to be in the Mons Delphi region that is considered the most rugged and mountainous.
From high definition video taken by the Hubble, scientists have pieced together the identity of the frozen and desiccated female remains dressed in a cheap house dress and wearing pink curlers in her hair.
Major Robert Broward commented on the gristly discovery, “We have determined from our high-definition photos and using advanced facial recognition analysis programs, that the remains on the moon are those of a 1950’s television sitcom ‘The Honeymooners’ star named Alice Kramden.”
Kramden, the housewife of bus driver Ralph Kramden, was last seen with Trixie Norton in her Bensonhurst apartment in Brooklyn, New York in the spring of 1959.
Due to the threats of physical abuse and often repeated phrase of ‘to the moon Alice’ by her husband Ralph while he shook his fist in her face, prompted an investigation by NYPD.
NYPD detective Morry Steinblatz recalled. “There were many instances of Ralph threatening her, I guess one time he actually hit her and sent her to the moon!”
Friends speculated that Alice might have been fooling around with Norton, Trixie’s city employed sewer expert husband.
Retired Transit Authority bus driver Ralph Kramden, now 89 and living in Florida, has denied hitting his wife and said she disappeared one evening in 1959 when she went to the store for some bread and bologna. He figured she met some friends and was having a beer or two.
NASA has considered a posthumous memorial dedicated to Kramden since she beat the first women in space by three years.
Clever.