Bigwigs Hit by Wickedpedia Attacks

Did David Cameron’s father buy him the Conservative Party? No, he only bought him a 51% majority share.

Has Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg slept with 3,000 women? Absolutely not – it’s more like 2,350 women, 522 men, and a mix of 180 transvestites and she-males, usually for a three at a time all-night cluster-fuck session. Hence why he always looks knackered in Parliament.

Did Gordon Brown get a full refund from Taylor Woodrow’s cosmetic surgery division after his face lift succumbed to gravity? Yes, and a side-order of personal injury compensation.

Is the Lib-Dem’s living artefact Sir Ming Campbell actually a real Time Lord who once worked as a bricklayer building the Great Wall of China and Egypt’s monolithic Cheops Pyramid?

So, what’s true in any of the above – the former or latter – or either – or neither?
In the crazy, alternative world of Wickedpedia vandalism – the term the site uses for deliberately false information being inserted into entries – anything is possible.

While most Wickedpedia vandals and saboteurs tend to be anonymous, just log on to any of the Internet assassination or agent provocateur websites, such as Backstabbers-R-Us.com, and for a small fee you can have any public or famous figure of your choice lambasted with libellous misinformation, creating an entirely fictitious life’s history, usually fraught with scandalous and criminal details involving drugs, arms sales, slavery, underage sex with small furry mammals, political skullduggery or cormorant buggery.

Politicians suffering from terminal conditions of unqualified arrogance, despotic totalitarian regimes such as China’s geriatric politburo, Third World dictators and confidence trick religions alike the Vatican’s Catholic church feeding off the fears and superstitions of the ignorant and uneducated, promising Life after Death and Heavenly salvation.

Bubble-headed, self-important jet-setting celebrities prancing around Africa buying orphans that still have parents or rabid mad-dog Zionist regimes marginalising, then decimating, the usurped true owners of Palestine in repeated genocidal military attacks.

These are all considered legitimate targets for the Internet’s Wickedpedia assassins.

The popular online encyclopaedia’s great strength – and critics say its greatest weakness – is that the vast majority of its 2.7 million entries can be instantly edited by anyone – and in the never-ending battle to gain political advantage, that can prove irresistible to the dexterous fingers of mischievous anarchist minds.

The Conservative Party was caught out last month tampering with an entry on the painter Titian. An over-enthusiastic Tory researcher altered the age of the artist’s death in a pathetic attempt to help leader David Cameron win an obscure political argument with Gordon Brown, which resulted in him broadcasting the true absolute dickhead image he desperately tries hard to avoid.

This could be seen, at a stretch, as part of the normal editing process that goes on all the time on Wickedpedia, with contributors battling it out until a common form of words is agreed. However, some contributors have more mischievous intent.

The Wickedpedia entry for Wallace and Gromit, those inveterate inventors of elaborate contraptions that invariably don’t work, has recently been re-edited and now claims they are the founders of the Wigan branch of the Wu Tang Clan, with Gromit being arrested and charged last week for the crime of ‘Holohoax Denial’.

Prince Philip, a perennial and legitimate target due him being such an inbred prat, has his Wickedpedia entry tampered with on a regular basis, and while it is fact he once publicly stated he wished to be reincarnated as a deadly virus so he could wipe out the useless eaters and solve the world’s population problem single-handedly, he was not responsible for the mass culling and resulting extinction of the flightless Killiwacky birds of the Orkneys. That dubious honour has now been attributed to his Anti-Christ grandson, Prince William.

A fierce litigation battle by lawyers for hotel chain heiress Paris Hilton recently erupted after Wickedpedia reported she has decided to forego cryogenic freezing after her death and instead donate her pox-ridden body to the UCLA’s venereal disease clinic for research – genital warts and all.

The court action against the encyclopaedia resulted in the judge, jury and Hilton lawyers names and personal details all ending up on a Wickedpedia-linked webpage to Homeland Security’s Terrorist Watch and No Fly lists.