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Billionaire Tom Perkins Tweets Walk-Back of Holocaust Comment

Billionaire Tom Perkins Tweets Walk-Back of Holocaust Comment

San Francisco, CA – Silicon Valley venture capitalist legend Tom Perkins who came under fire for misguided comments comparing the treatment of the rich to holocaust victims responded to critics today on Twitter.

“Seriously, I simply don’t understand this obsession with the price of holos and let’s be honest, the only people who might get upset over the Kristallnacht before Christmas are filthy Jews.”

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Posted in Biz News, Celebrity Gossip0 Comments

New Marijuana Laws Spur Highest Home Prices in Years

New Marijuana Laws Spur Highest Home Prices in Years

New numbers have come out in the housing sector, indicating that in the next year, the states of Washington and Colorado will have the highest number of home sales in the country. Some other states are not too far behind. What makes these states so successful? Analysts say it is the passage of laws these past few years making the use of medicinal marijuana finally legal.

In Washington and Colorado, especially, new laws make it legal to possess and use small amounts of recreational marijuana. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News0 Comments

Psychologists Worried About Growth Of ‘Post Black Friday Buying Syndrome’

Psychologists Worried About Growth Of ‘Post Black Friday Buying Syndrome’

Mental authorities are warning of the expansion of a relatively new psychic dysfunction they have named PBFBS- Post Black Friday Buying Syndrome.

It is the description given when the shopping instinct that many have developed in many countries continues to push on a person to buy, buy, buy even when all the stores are closed.

This mass consumerism, rising to the level of a nationwide obsession the last 50 years, has supplanted the normal Christmas spirit of relaxation and giving with one of frenzied must-having and rudeness. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Health1 Comment

Job Advice: Know When it’s Time to Go

Job Advice: Know When it’s Time to Go

In my 30 years as a professional employment specialist, I have created the state of unemployment numerous times for many different reasons. Each “involuntary separation” has its own set of unique challenges and style points, but I consider a few aspects universally applicable.

There are numerous articles outlining the minutia of keeping a job, but let’s face it: sometimes its best to just get the hell out of Dodge.

In this age of the Non Empathetic Company how do you know when it’s prudent to just quit? Let a non empathetic career expert tell you the top five ways to know when it’s time to go. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Education, Human Interest0 Comments

Santa Claus Forced to File Chapter 11 Bankruptcy

Santa Claus Forced to File Chapter 11 Bankruptcy

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, unfortunately, he can’t pay his mounting debt and therefore won’t be visiting your home with lots of toys and goodies.

Due to the economic downturn felt all over the globe, Santa Claus International has been forced to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. A press release issued at the last minute Friday had the jolly old elf himself near tears as he announced that his beloved toy operation would no longer exist, and he would be staying put in the North Pole this year instead of delivering toys to children and adults around the world. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Human Interest0 Comments

Wall Street Banks’ Financial Dealings Stump the Lord Almighty

Wall Street Banks’ Financial Dealings Stump the Lord Almighty

Dateline: NEW YORK—A cabal of Wall Street bankers runs a global crime syndicate that buys the regulators of their industry, rigs the rules of the market, and uses convoluted financial instruments and bogus mathematical models to siphon cash from the majority of people in modern economies, according to many experts.

However, no judge or jury has convicted the bankers of any crime, because no one other than the bankers understands exactly how they’re doing what they’re doing. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Religionism3 Comments

“Old Man” Winter Relinquishes Control to Son Biff

“Old Man” Winter Relinquishes Control to Son Biff

Old Man Winter has reportedly turned over operational control of the winter season to his son, Biff according to sources close to the personification of nature.

Citing health issues, Old Man Winter made the announcement in late November and his overly ambitious son has wasted no time in establishing complete control over the frigid manifestation.

After first declaring himself president and CEO of Winter, Inc. Biff Winter called a news conference early this morning to confirm that he indeed has the reins of all daily operations. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Environment10 Comments

Drug Makers Reintroduce Measles to America

Drug Makers Reintroduce Measles to America

Spokespersons for GlaxoSmithKline, Merk, Pfizer and other makers of immunization therapies stated today that the pharmaceutical industry is reintroducing the measles virus to America.

“The measles virus was eradicated throughout most of the world”, said Pfizer spokesperson Juliette Riposs. “Fewer people were having their children vaccinated and this was cutting into our profit margin!”

Riposs reminded consumers that the pharmaceutical industry controls not only the vaccines but also the virus itself. In order to remain profitable the industry has either reintroduced viruses or genetically modified them so as they once again become a serious threat.

“If we really wanted to cure people of viruses we’ve had a cure for all of them for years (see http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2011/antiviral-0810.html) but there’s no profit in a cure!” said Merk Product Director Jamie Silverito. “It’s much more cost effective and profitable to treat the symptoms!”

A spokesperson for Vicks Inc stated, “do you think anyone is going to buy Vape-o-Rub or sinus medicine if they never get a cold or the flu? Hell no!”

Jack Lew, the US Secretary of the Treasury, reminded Americans that the pharmaceutical industry is keeping the U.S. Solvent, creates jobs for millions of workers, stimulates the economy and prevents financial disaster.

“You can take your liberal pansy bullshit and stuff it down the crapper” Lew told the media. “We need money and the pharmaceutical industry knows how to make it. Get your kid vaccinated. Contribute some money to the economy. Or else your kids will get measles!”

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Posted in Biz News, Top Stories0 Comments

Insider Opens Shelter for Regretful and Embittered Advertisers

Insider Opens Shelter for Regretful and Embittered Advertisers

Dateline: NEW YORK—Hugo “Sellout” Slickster, a recovering ex-advertiser, opened The Center for Alienated and Cynical Advertisers (CACA).

Its mission is to provide support for advertisers who are withdrawn and embittered because their job forces them to dehumanize consumers and thus themselves. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Human Interest0 Comments

Dispelling the Myths About Seatac’s $15 Minimum Wage

Dispelling the Myths About Seatac’s $15 Minimum Wage

I’ve been active with the Yes on Prop One (Seatac’s citizen initative to raise minimum wage for airport workers to $15/hr) since I signed the petition. There are a lot of myths and misconceptions out there, so let’s clear them up.

First of all, I do not work for the campaign, and I never have. I do not get paid to write about this, nor have I ever. I don’t work at the airport, so my personal wages will not see any change because of this. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Politics2 Comments

Forget Black Friday, It’s Time for Red, White & Blue Friday

Forget Black Friday, It’s Time for Red, White & Blue Friday

We spend so much time working like hell to spend so much money buying worthless crap made in China to impress people we might not even like. This year, let’s skip the sweatshop goods and buy local to make Christmas truly great.

You’ve got a few bucks to spend, you want to get something that’s really special, well newsflash! America has that in spades.

You don’t need to seek landfill-quality goods from abroad to make this holiday season special. You can spend the same amount of money and get American made goods to make an even bigger splash, and here’s how. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Society2 Comments

Woman Chops Off Finger to Avoid Workplace Safety Rally

Woman Chops Off Finger to Avoid Workplace Safety Rally

SAN FRANCISCO, California – A cafeteria employee cut off one of her own fingers with a butcher’s knife in an “act of desperation” after a co-worker reminded her that 99 days had elapsed since someone had been injured in a workplace accident.

“Whenever we go 100 days without an accident, we ‘celebrate’ by having one of those stupid safety rallies,” said Haruko Anaka, explaining the reason for her drastic action in the employee cafeteria. “I just didn’t think I could make it through another one.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Human Interest0 Comments

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