Donald Trump Blames ‘Divisive Alt-Left Troublemakers’ for Nazi Atrocities

Hot on the heels of his recent condemnation of the Alt-Left’s perceived role in Charlottesville, crossed-dressed statues and (via Comrade Saruman) the great Minas Tirith massacre in Tolkien’s equally imaginary fantasy fairyland of Gondor…

The Donald is now playing a time-traveling role.

This time, he has advocated a less divisive and partisan stance on the atrocities committed by Nazi soldiers in World War II, as well as the unspeakable horror of the gas chambers.

You know, there’s a lot of hate in Europe.

It didn’t start with Adolf Hitler.

It didn’t even start with Joseph Stalin.

Lot of hate.

Have you seen this hate?



So much hate.

You can trust me on this one!

Not one person…

Nooooot ooooone peeeeersooooooon, other than Donald J. Trump, has what it takes, to unify Europe, and stop the hate.

We have all these Nazis crossing the borders, and you know what? They’re not bringing their best.

Killers, butchers, haters…

And some of them, I assume, are good people.

But it’s not enough to blame the Nazis.

The Alt-Left have been causing all kinds of trouble.

The Communists, the Chinese, the liberals, the Christian leftists, the atheists, the Vietnamese, Johnny-Jip-Jap, the Bowling Green union thugs, the radical Weimar LGBT activists.

They too have been spreading the hate; and provoking the Nazis, in turn, to hate them as well.

I think the hate has to stop.

The Donald knows it must stop.

It is tiiiiime… for the Donald to stop the finger-pointing.

Stop the accusations and the partisan finger-pointing.

It ends now!

We need a United Europe, and we need everybody to get behind the Donald.

No more Nazi hooliganism.

No more Alt-Left.

Just one United Europe, and we can go forward and get things done!

Iiiiiii… am goiiiiiing… to bankrupt China!

You will be getting so much money and silk and tea from the Kwomintang, you’ll be sick of being rich!

You can trust me on this one.

Stand behind me, the Donald, and let’s Make Europe Great Again!

Responding to vociferous criticism of this inflammatory rant, anti-establishment establishment doorstop Kellyanne Conway wryly observes:

How do you know the Alt-Left didn’t cause the Holocaust and World War II? Were you there?

Next thing you’ll be telling us the world was created 14 billion years ago.

How do you know?!

Well, no! If you weren’t there, don’t talk about things you know nothing about.

We’ve had enough talk about mainstream establishment neoliberal history.

I have some alternative history for you instead!

And yet, a small and ever-diminishing fraction of Americans remain unconvinced…

Author: Wallace Runnymede

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