“Bibi, stop bombing or we’ll cut your bullets,” Obama Tells Netanyahu

Gaza, an open-air prison? Israel’s $3 billion-a-year welfare check threatened? America scolds Israel? STOP THE PRESS!!!

Because Israel’s brutal siege on Gaza associates the US with a war crime that is becoming obvious to “Dumb-dee-doo Christians, video-game addicts and the UN”, Obama told Netanyahu to “desist already” with Israel’s massacre of Palestinians trapped inside the walled-in city. This leak is published in humankinds’ interests.

The Leaked White House Phone-call Transcript (30 July 2014, EST ):

“Enough already, Ben! We would have you charged with international war crimes, but the United States has done what you’re doing in 50 places since WWII. I’m telling you to stop because we’re losing the propaganda war. Dumbe-dee-doo citizens everywhere are beginning to see our collective hypocrisy, our belligerence and our World Domination end-game.” You’re making the Anglo-American-Zionist Nexus an at-risk social-group because our disproportionate blame-share quota has now gotten harder to keep suppressed.”

“But, Barack, with all due respect alread-”

“Bibi, enough already! Yes, we need Israel to keep the Arab states in check while the Big Four oil cartels extract our black gold from under their sands. Yes, we need the Israeli nuclear terror threat while our low-grade proxy wars cause the capitulation of the recalcitrant Muslim states to the Anglo-American banking cartels. Yes, we need your Zionist regime to help us keep the world trading oil in US dollars, so that the planet’s Dumb-dee-doo citizens finance our militarization of Earth with their consumption and taxes.”

“So, what’s your beef Barack?”

[Sigh] “Ben, you’re making us look bad-ass, so stop. Bibi, stop bombing, already!!!”

“Hamas started it!”

“In a way, they did Bibi. [Sniggering] They were democratically elected in 2006 because the Palestinians wanted a government with the balls to stand up to their vicious, psychopathic criminal neighbours from Hell.

“Moreover, if you go back to 1948, the Zionist leadership that founded the Israeli state started it. And, if you go back even further, the Anglo-American Brotherhood started it before World War I, with their rivalrous plot to redraw the world maps, in order to egotistically dominate the world through the control of oil, finance, and supremacy in military power, propaganda and projected ideas such as Exceptionalism, derived merely from the protection that sea water afforded them.

“Christ Bibi! Even diligent Germany tried to get the English to co-invest in the Berlin-to-Baghdad railway during the 1890s and early 1900s, to transport oil back to Europe, but the toffy English decided to play-off all sides against one another in a psychopathic attempt to reinvigorate their fading sissy empire, and the sneaky American Masonic Brotherhood joined in the ‘Great Game’ and came out trumps.”

“Oy Gevalt!” (imagine any four letter swear word).

“Benjamin, everyone can see Gaza is the world’s biggest open-air prison. Even the Afrikaner Broederbond [a white supremacist brotherhood] weren’t this brazen during their apartheid reign in South Africa. You’re pushing our Zionist-controlled White House-Hollywood-Bubble Gum TV News propaganda system out to its theoretical limits, Bibi. So, desist already, or we’ll cut your bullets, your bombs and your 3 billion-a-year allowance.”

“Fakakta! … Can I shoot Arabs on the West Bank, or in Jerusal-?”

“Nooo! Jeesus, Bibi. [Pause. Inaudible moaning from Jerusalem end of the line] Benjamin, don’t plotz (explode) on me. Look, we need you Zionists to stop killing Palestinians, for Christ’s sake. Or, rather for our World Domination plot’s sake.”

“But, Barack, as I said on CNN, Hamas wants, ‘to pile up as many civilian dead as they can’ and ‘use telegenically dead Palestinians for their cause.’”

“Wow! [Pause] Yooou were actually serious. We thought you were just spinning PR lines. [Muffled chuckles] Ben, there’s nothing telegenic about dead children, weeping fathers and howling mothers. The images of bodies, body parts and blood-stained rubble are killing our alliance.”

“How?”

“Weellll, the problem is Dumb-dee-doo people believe Palestinians, like everyone else, have the right to life, liberty and love. It’s a major drawback of our schmaltzy Hollywood propaganda system that American Zionists created here in cahoots with the Pentagon and the Department of War, before it was re-branded following World War II. But you knew that, already. [Silence] When we promote freedom and democracy so much, eerr, Dumb-dee-doo citizens believe that it’s bad to take the rights to life, liberty and yadda-yadda away from people by, eerr, exploding hi-speed, hot pieces of metal into their fellow humans going about their trauma-filled daily lives.”

“Verklempt. (To get choked up, but said here sarcastically). Don’t you care about the fascist aesthetic taste for mayhem? Jesuus, Barack you’re going soft!

“No, I’m playing the hand that’s been dealt to me, Ben. Your military’s bombardment is making even Dumb-dee-doo Christians, video games addicts and the UN question America’s alliance with Israel. Even Jews can see that Zionist Israel is an expansionist, racist apartheid regime. Not because you even come close to the numbers of innocent civilians we’ve obliterated in Iraq and Afghanistan. Rather, it’s because you haven’t got control of the imagery coming out of Gaza that we had in those other War of Terror theaters. So, no more killing Ben ’til we figure out a way to do it with a media-secure war theater lock-down.”

“Shmegegge!” (Jerk)

“I heard that Bibi. I’m cutting kosher wine, chocolates, the Bling and Lego shipments! You can explain to the Israeli middle-class, who won’t be able to afford black-market prices, why.” (Laughter from White House end of the line)

“Oh please, please. [Pause] Mr President, middle-class Jews demanding to know why treats, trinkets and toys have been cut is more dangerous than Hamas, Hezbollah, Al Qaeda, ISIS and NATO put together. All hell will break loose. Even Zionists don’t dare mess with a Jews’ access to treats, trinkets and toys. Mr Presi-”